Anchor Goes On Kardashian Rant And Leaves The Set, Channeling North West At Every Fashion Show Ever — VIDEO
I'm going to be real about the state of 2015 right now: If an entire day went by without something about the Kardashians hitting my newsfeed, I'd probably assume it was apocalypse time. Love 'em, hate 'em, saw them on TV that one time you were dog-sitting, you can't avoid the Kardashians, and nobody knows that struggle more than this anchor who ranted about the Kardashians on live television. When faced with the prospect of reporting on what was probably the zillionth Kardashian story last Friday morning, John Brown of Fox 35 in Florida officially lost his Kardash*t, and for a brief moment even pretended to leave the set.
The story in question? Kylie Jenner adopted a baby bunny named "Bruce". How do I know that, you ask? Because I am a breathing, sentient human with an internet connection, and although I never sought this knowledge on my own, it came to me the way spam comes into my inbox and oxygen comes into my lungs. But see, I've stopped trying to fight it. I'm ready for the inevitable international monarchy after Kanye and Kim condition their children to take over the world. Mars will probably be inhabitable by then, so it's whatever.
But John Brown is a man who has not yet accepted this fate, and has clearly reached his last nerve.
I mean, we get it, dude. But also, this is the world now, and your job is to report on it. I'd feel sorrier for you if every other media outlet wasn't up to their ears in Kardashijenner news as well — so while the internet praises Brown for being as #done as he is, I choose to give mad props to the ladies who stayed in the trenches, because Kanye knows we're all tired of it, too. Here's the full rant:
Does anybody else have "Sit Down, John" from 1776 stuck in their head now? No? Just the musical theater dorks? Anyway. Here are three pro-tips I can offer John Brown on his quest to avoid all Kardashian news, if such a feat is, in fact, possible:
Invest In KardBlock
KardBlock is an app that blocks all Kardashian content from your internet. It's as simple as that.
Get Another Job
Dude. People are paying you money to talk about the Kardashians. And given the state of the universe, they'll be expecting you to do it for a long ass time. If your sanity is truly that compromised then maybe it's time to quit while you're ahead.
Live In A Remote Cave On Another Planet
I'm just going to be honest with you, man. There are one-way trips to Mars up for grabs in the next decade, if you think you can handle it. Godspeed.
Images: YouTube; Giphy(3)