"Accomplishments" NOT To Put On Your Resume

I think we would probably all agree that there's a need for classes in high school that teach you real valuable real world skills like how to make and stick to a budget, how to file your taxes, and how to write a resume. Nothing drives home that last point, though, quite like looking at the bizarre accomplishments people list on their resumes — and wouldn't you know it? We've got just the thing today to serve that purpose. On Sunday night, Redditor twistaspam posted a query to AskReddit asking, “Hiring managers of Reddit, what is the most bizarre accomplishment someone has put on a resume?”… and for once, the responses largely came from actual hiring managers. You guys? This one's a doozy, and it's as funny as it is informative.

To be fair, the “additional skills” section of a resume is kind of weird in and of itself. We're supposed to look at it as a place to list any skills we have that might be relevant, but which might not fall anywhere else… but we're also often told that it's good to give hiring managers an idea of who you are when you're not at work. At its best, this section might include things like any important pieces of software you know how to use (except Microsoft Office. Everyone knows how to use Microsoft Office, so stop listing it on your resume. I mean it) or whether you've got experience organizing big events, along with an interesting tidbit about yourself (you speak fluent Japanese? Awesome!). At worst, though? They look like the resumes seen here.

A word of advice: Before you send your resume out, get someone with good judgment to read it over first. Trust me.

Check out more over at AskReddit.

1. The One-Sentence Wonder

"Relatively good at most things" — except, apparently providing details.

2. Picture Is Unrelated

Bonus points for storytelling, crazymoon. It all sounds quite innocuous… until you get to the last line. Well played, sir or madam. Well played, indeed.

3. Inppropriate Terminology

And this is why Putting Together a Resume 101 should be taught in all schools nationwide starting at an early age. This, too:

To be fair, yes, running large raids does require excellent organizational and leadership skills — but it's worth finding a way to demonstrate these talents in a way that hiring managers might find a little more meaningful. But hey, the good news is that it might not be that hard: Resume Genius notes that, while someone searching for a job in IT shouldn't list "Leader of a 70 member guild in World of Warcraft for three years," you can put something like, "Maintained a self-hosted VoIP chat server for three years."

4. No Felons Here

This Redditor stole the words right out of my mouth (and Shakespeare's, too):

5. A Lack of Fluency

There's a reason most of us put “some French” next to our high school language requirement.

6. Special Snowflake Syndrome

With regards to the definition of "accomplishment"... well, let me quote one of the greatest minds of our generation:

7. That Doesn't Count

TIME's Person of the Year in 2006 was “You.” As in, everyone who contributes to the glory of the Internet.

8. Neither Does That

We may not know whether the points cats are tallying up every time they mess up your stuff are Whose Line Is It Anyway? points, but we definitely know that karma on Reddit is. Sorry, y'all; having a boatload of imaginary Internet points aren't going to land you a job.

9. Or That

High school accomplishments stop mattering the second you leave high school. If you're still holding onto them at 35, you may want to start reconsidering your choices in life.

10. Best Typo Ever

You handled Mr. Tumnus?

Not going to lie: I feel kind of weird about that.

11. So, Did She Buy It, Or…?

...OK, then.

12. Do You Even Lift, Bro?

Remember that whole thing where it's usually a good idea to tailor your resume and cover letter to the specific job for which you're applying? This is why.

13. But When It Works…

...It really works. There's a fine line between stupidity and genius, but these folks? They know what they're doing. Sometimes, a well-calculate risk pays off big time.

Images: Fotolia; Giphy (2); startrekships/Tumblr