We've all heard the jokes. You know, the ones that are masking how upset we all are over the many celebrity breakups this summer. Now that we've reached September, it is glaringly obvious that the summer of 2015 was an extended doomsday for all well-established celebrity couples. And it’s also fairly clear that we haven’t been dealing with the fallout so well. Despite how cynical and skeptical the world can seem at times, it appears that we, as a society, have yet to let go of our innate hopeless romantic beliefs. Personally, I blame '90s rom-coms for that.
Being that we have been experiencing rampant second-hand sadness over celebrity breakups, engagement endings, and divorces all summer, I think that it's also time to confess that some have hit harder than others. Not that any single breakup is worse or better that another; that’d be trivializing just how difficult we all know relationships ending can be. It’s just that some celeb couples caused me to open my heart more than others, for whatever reason, and their subsequent ends have thrown me all for a loop.
So, in light of the great summer relationship apocalypse, here are the eight biggest celeb breakups, ranked from least to most sad. Keep in mind, you might not agree with my ranking, but if you didn't sob over my number one, you have no heart.
8. Charlize Theron & Sean Penn
It's not that this breakup isn't sad. It is. But being that both celebs were exceedingly good at keeping their relationship private, it was easier to let go since it was harder to invest. But, that doesn't mean I'm not feeling for them.
7. Olivia Culpo & Nick Jonas
Was it sad? Sure. But, they're young, they weren't seriously committed, and they probably (definitely) both have suitors knocking down their doors. I think they'll both be just fine.
6. Perrie Edwards & Zayn Malik
Everything about this breakup left a bad taste in my mouth. Especially, when it was revealed that Malik did it through a text. (Modern day Sex and the City, much?) Making things even sadder, Edwards cried on stage during a performance soon after, and I just wanted to give her a big hug.
5. Megan Fox & Brian Austin Green
Fox and Green were together for 11 years. It's always extra sad when a Hollywood couple stays strong for as long as these two did before splitting. :(
4. Kourtney Kardashian & Scott Disick
Disick (more so than Kardashian) has worn his heart on his sleeve, which makes the Lord seem all the more human, now. I can't help but feel for a humbled Lord. Sue me.
3. Miranda Lambert & Blake Shelton
They just seemed so perfect together. Two spunky spitfires who found each other, as Rihanna would say, "in a hopeless place." It's not easy to accept that even those couples who seem perfect can't always work it out. To top it off, they've both been vocal about how upsetting this has been for the both of them. Lambert said at a concert soon after the split, "Well, I've been living off of caffeine and sad songs lately. So, we're gonna drink some caffeine and sing sad songs." Which, ya know, makes me upset, too.
2. Gwen Stefani & Gavin Rossdale
They were just so cool and awesome and quirky and different. Mostly though, they were so badass as a team, for so long. It's just... ugh. The rest of us atypical romantics will mourn this relationship for all eternity. Hopefully, one day they can at least sing this to one another:
1. Jennifer Garner & Ben Affleck
I think it's safe to say that the general public took this split so hard that you would have thought Ben and Jen were our collective parents. Fans were a little too invested, but how could you not be? The cute red carpet moments! The beautiful family! This video that might show the instant they fell in love! It was too much to handle and it still hurts today.
Garner and Affleck may have taken the unwanted trophy for most troubling breakup, but each split had its own fair share of worldwide sympathy. Now let's just hope that it's all over. It's September, celebrities. Hold it together until next year.