Why Watching Real Sex Videos Is Good For Your Relationship

As a human with a wifi connection, it's probably not news to you that porn and the internet are BFFs. Type in an innocuous word like, "pony," alongside another fun word like, "play," and all of a sudden you're no longer designing invites for your niece's fifth birthday party — you're receiving an invitation to an all-out brony orgy. Now, you may not mind the invitation at all (You do you, bronies) but the timing's definitely a bit off, and well, what was up with that sad looking pink brony in the corner? Was he really enjoying himself? Maybe you'll give him extra butterfly friends on the invite to cheer him up.

The desire to watch fellow creatures getting it on has existed since at least the time when cave people introduced the fine art of sexy cave drawing, and definitely before any rumor started about a Kylie Jenner and Tyga sex tape.

As the curator and community manager for MakeLoveNotPorn.tv, a site that hosts pre-screened videos of non-performative, consensual, contextualized, creative, and porn cliche-free #realworldsex, I see this natural human curiosity play out in real time every day and I'm here to tell you there's plenty of deliciousness out there!

Aside from the fact that I'm paid to watch people's uncensored sexy times all day — Hi, mom! — one of the most rewarding and initially unexpected pleasures my chosen career has brought me has been learning how valuable it can be for couples (and singles) to have access to videos that show real people having the sex they have in their everyday lives. At a private screening before MLNP.tv went live, a man in attendance who had just finished watching a video by one of our MakeLoveNotPornStars said, "When I watch porn, I want to jerk off. When I watch #realworldsex I want to have sex with my girlfriend."

How cool is that? A video of two regular people having sex had turned this guy on, and instead of making him want to go furtively rub one out, it made him want to share pleasure with another human being. That, plus he didn't have to experience what I like to call a "porn hangover," where once he'd had his orgasm, he suddenly experienced a rush of sexual shame followed by concerns about what he'd just watched. Were the actors in the scene consenting and properly paid? Was it ethically produced? Was that screaming orgasm in the middle real? Did it matter to him that the orgasm was probably fake? Was there something wrong with him?

MakeLoveNotPorn is pro-sex, pro-porn, and pro-knowing the difference. At MLNP, we believe that #realworldsex is the hottest sex there is and that there's nothing amateur about it. We want people to understand the differences between #pornworldsex and #realworldsex because we've intimately experienced the confusion and disappointment that can occur when you don't. That said, shaming people for watching and enjoying porn is so not on the menu and the example above could just as easily feature a woman or a person of another gender. We've created a space online to celebrate an entirely new category of sex video — the #realworldsex video — and we're thrilled to report that people from all over the world are checking it out!

What my role as Madam Curator has taught me is that regardless of gender, sexuality, age, ethnicity or relationship status, watching #realworldsex is great for your sex life. So long as you talk about it first, and everyone is consenting every time, exploring the age old art of titillation by sex video is something that can be fun, hot, and very likely to translate into better sex IRL. So, here is exactly how watching #realworldsex will improve your sex life.

1. It Helps You Get Fully In The Mood

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Even if the thought of having sex is super appealing in theory, your body (and brain) might sometimes still need a bit of extra help getting fully turned on. According to The New York Times, researchers in the field of sexuality are currently all about the concept of responsive desire — the idea that women in particular experience, "arousal first, then desire." Feeling like you could be down-to-clown-around but not ready to rip off your clothes and swing around your bedpost, like in some kind of Beyoncé-at-home fantasy? Treating yourself and your partner to a bit of visual foreplay by watching a #realworldsex video will rev up your desire and increase your physical arousal — both things that will lead to better orgasms.

2. It Stimulates Communication

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There's nothing quite like having a visual example right in front of you to help communicate what you currently like in bed, what you'd like to explore, and even what you don't like, too. For example, watching a real couple have romantic anal sex (it exists!) might turn you on but that doesn't mean it's on the agenda for date night. Avoid the trap of thinking that enjoying seeing someone else do something sexually means you've sworn a blood oath to try it yourself, and instead use it as an opportunity to say to your partner, "They seems to be really loving that! Not sure it's for me right now but maybe I wouldn't mind you using a finger or tongue there, etc, etc."

3. It Teaches You That The Same Awkward Stuff Happens To Everyone During Sex

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After watching a few #realworldsex videos, it will become apparent that everyone struggles with a condom, gets an errant hair in their mouth from time to time, or has to deal with being horny and having an oral herpes outbreak. Basically just about everything embarrassing that's happened to you during sex has happened to someone else and acknowledging that and even embracing it will allow you to let go of embarrassment and focus on the sexy matter at hand. Also, who doesn't like a cute cat cameo?

4. It Helps You Feel More Comfortable With Your Real World Body

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Spoiler alert: how you look actually has no bearing on how much you can enjoy sex and sticking to sex positions that hide your perceived flaws won't help you have better orgasms. That said, seeing folks who look like you having mind-blowing sex will boost your confidence, and lead to being less in your head, making you much more likely to enjoy every minute of harmonious humping.

5. It Boosts Your Creativity During Sex

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Not sure what you'd like to try next with your partner? Watching #realworldsex is a great way to remind yourself of things you'd like to try again, as well as introduce you to new positions and acts that are tried and tested by real people not porn actors. Same goes for sex toys, 'cause when it's real people using them, you'll know you're getting an honest take on what blew their minds and what packed a resounding, "meh." You might even find yourself drawn to dirty talk or kinkier stuff like restraints, blindfolds and the like, and if you're seeing it on MakeLoveNotPorn.tv — which only hosts videos of consensual, contextualized, porn cliche-free #realworldsex — it'll be that much hotter. Lastly, as always, make sure all sex comes with a heaping side of communication.

6. It Shows You That Sex Is So Much More Than What You See In Mainstream Porn

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If all you're exposed to is mainstream porn, you or your partner might be under the impression that no one ever goes down on a woman, blow jobs are mandatory, and all sex sessions must culminate in 45 minutes of jackrabbiting followed by a man coming on a woman's face. Watching #realworldsex will help you appreciate that great sex is about communication and mutual pleasure and that it can involve various combinations of acts — and *gasp* — might not include penetration at all. Sex is whatever you want it to be and there's no paint by numbers way to have great sex. Bonus: on MLNP.tv you can see porn stars having the #realworldsex they have off-set in their everyday lives. Porn stars — they're just like us.

7. It Might Inspire You To Make A #realworldsex Video Of Your Own

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Once you and your partner have had your brain, heart, and loins treated to the #realworldsex equivalent of dinner and a movie by watching real people go at it, it might not be too long before you start elbowing each other mid-viewing saying things like "hey, maybe we could do that," and "I wanna tape us together and watch it back later, the idea turns me on so much, ooh baby yeah!" Or something like that. Once you've experienced the confidence and communication boosts that come along with watching real human intimacy, you could even be hit with an urge to share your love with the world.

At MakeLoveNotPorn.tv, we've been thrilled to hear over and over again how the whole process of making a #realworldsex video — from talking about it, to having sex and filming it, to editing it, to watching it back later — has led to more, better sex.

Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.

Images: Isabella Vosmikova/FOX; Giphy.com