6 Ways To Be Less Anxious About Sex
Let's just face it: sex can be scary. With all of the strange sights, smells, and sounds that go on during the sideways tango, it's sometimes difficult to believe that we decide to do such a thing, let alone enjoy it. But alas, as odd of a phenomenon as sex is, we're never going to stop doing it. Blame it on our baser instincts, but there are few pleasures in life that can compare to getting it on with the eye candy from the gym you've been crushing on for weeks. Except for pizza. Nothing beats pizza. But how do you overcome being nervous during sex?
As much as most of us may want to do it, psyching ourselves up to actually court our prospective bedroom partner is half of the battle. And then when you finally do seem to fumble through your first conversation without passing out or running away, there is still the whole, “I am about to be naked with you,” awkwardness you have to deal with before things can actually be sexy. So how do you combat that pre-sex anxiety that justifiably comes before such an intimate act? There are a few ways.
1. Do It By Yourself More
Masturbation is important for an infinite number of reasons. Not only will it release endorphins and relieve you of stress (if you don't trust me on that one, just ask science) it can help you learn about your body, and what you enjoy. And once you know what you like, you'll be a lot more capable of telling your partner what buttons he or she should be pressing. But, most importantly, masturbation could help you have an appreciation for your body that you may not have previously had; getting in touch with your sexuality will also teach you how to respect and love the wonderful bits and pieces you've been blessed with, which in turn will make you more comfortable in the bedroom.
2. Talk Your Way Through It
Communication is always key, isn't it? If you're feeling a little iffy about the situation, the easiest way to feel more comfortable is to talk openly with your partner about what's going to happen. Once you know that you can speak your mind during the deed, letting them know what feels good, and what is off the menu, it'll be a lot less anxiety-producing. After all, there's nothing sexier than trust, right?
3. Make It More Of A Game
No, I'm not talking about playing Monopoly beforehand (unless you're into that kind of stuff). The internet is full of ideas of sexy games you can play with your partner to break the ice, and get in the mood. Maybe tonight you two engage in some strip poker, or maybe you ask them to get creative with a seductive scavenger hunt. Keeping things fun and new will make sex less of a task, and more of a good time.
4. Don't Be Afraid To Laugh
Sex doesn't always have to be so serious! Sure, most sex scenes in movies make the deed seem like some super intense, no-nonsense moment of passion, but if you live in the real world with the rest of us, you'll know it's not always like that. In fact, I think sex is better when you can laugh a little bit about it. It's crucial to have a sense of humor when doing something that, like I've mentioned, is inherently awkward. So what, something made a weird noise? Yes, you just did bump your head against the headboard. Don't be afraid to pause and giggle a bit together; it can seriously break the tension.
5. One Word: Foreplay
Foreplay has to be the sexiest way you can dip your toe into the water, before fully diving in. Foreplay was pretty much invented as a way of relaxing you before the act. If your partner is the pleasing-type (which they better be) then have them ease into the good stuff with a little warm up. This way, you'll be ready to go by the time you guys finish fooling around.
6. Do It Only When The Mood Strikes You
Yes, premeditated sexy events are often necessary, especially if you and your partner have busy schedules, but often, in-the-moment sex can be best. Sometimes planning when it's about to go down can build anticipation and make you nervous. But, if you strike when the iron's hot, and go for it when you're most ready, you eliminate the element of waiting. Sprinkle in some foreplay, and finish it off with open communication and your previous reservations about getting to business will be a thing of the past.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our video on sex positions that make him last longer.
Images: Flickr/ Matías Q.V ; Giphy (6)