It's hard to think of anything that feels better than another person's tongue on your body. Oral sex is one of the greatest kinds of sex that exists, especially if it's being given by someone is good at oral sex. It might seem like nothing can possibly go wrong when your partner is going down on you, but if you've had a good bit of experience receiving cunnilingus, you know very well that there can be weird things that happen when you receive oral sex.
Anyone who has seen a vagina knows that there's a lot going on down there. And just like any complex work of art, there's a lot that can go wrong when it's not handled correctly. And when you're receiving oral, everything that can possibly come from your crotch is going to happen right in your partner's face. And if you're worried about how your vagina smells or tastes, there's seriously no reason to be worried. But just as with any type of sex, there's a lot of pretty nasty stuff that can happen during oral, too.
If you're one of the many women who loves to get eaten out, watch out for these gross (or at least awkward) things that can happen during cunnilingus. But even if you experience all of them in one sitting, try not to fret too much — none of these situations are so bad that you won't be able to laugh them off in the moment with your partner and look back on them with nothing more than a slight cringe.
1. They Find A Stray Piece Of Toilet Paper
Just in case you needed another reason to hate weak-ass one-ply toilet paper, think about how easy it is for a scrap of it to get stuck somewhere down there until your partner accidentally removes it with their tongue. Lots of us occasionally leave a little TP behind, but it usually gets washed or peed away before being discovered. It might make you cringe if your partner finds a bit of white paper, but hey, at least they can be 100 percent sure you clean up after yourself.
2. You Really Need To Fart
When your legs are spread and a person's face is between them, the very last thing you want to feel is that gurgle deep within your digestive system that signifies a bubble of air just dying to escape. It can be enough to ruin the experience entirely—rather than focusing on how good you're feeling, you're focusing on keeping yourself as tightly closed as possible and pushing that fart as far back up as it'll go. If you feel that fart trying to make its way out just as your partner is diving in, may your butthole be brave and your sphincter be strong.
3. You Queef
Friendly reminder to all the people out there: Queefs themselves are not gross. They're just air from the outside world that was pushed into your lady pocket and decided to use the entrance as the exit. However, that sound they make isn't exactly the sweetest tune in the world. And the worst part is, you really can't control a queef. If your vagina wants to make some noise right at the moment your partner buries their face into you, there ain't no stoppin' it. A mature couple will laugh at the moment and carry on, but there's still no denying that the sound is hardly sexy.
4. They Burp Or Sneeze
The good news (or bad news?) is it isn't always the recipient who has air coming out of them during oral. Just as we can't always tell when a fart is creeping up on us until it's already released into the air, belches, and sneezes can also come on quite suddenly. And if your partner happens to be eating you out when one sneaks up on them, you might find that you're a little more wet down there for all the wrong reasons. Most people are able to at least turn their heads away if they need to expel any air from their bodies, but every once in a while, luck won't be on your side... or between your legs.
5. Their Tongue Moves Too Far South
There are plenty of women out there who enjoy anal play but not everyone enjoys having their butthole touched unexpectedly. If you're not a fan of doing anything anal, the idea of your partner's mouth coming into contact with your most guarded body part can be absolutely revolting. Sometimes your partner just gets really into what they're doing and it happens by accident, and other times they're just trying to see if they can surprise you, but unless you know it's coming, you may not be 100 percent thrilled when it happens.
6. You Get Your Period
Periods are a natural part of life for many women and shouldn't be thought of as "disgusting." But that doesn't mean you want it to happen without warning during oral sex. A Men's Health poll revealed that 60 percent of guys have no problem having sex with a woman while she's on her period, but you can hardly blame a man or woman for not wanting to actually ingest it. Realizing your time of the month came at exactly the wrong time isn't the worst thing that could happen during oral, but it's definitely something some people want to avoid no matter which end of the bed we're on.
7. A Hair Gets Stuck In Their Teeth
There's not a single thing wrong with deciding to keep your hair down there, but if you do, your partner might return from their oral escapades with a few souvenirs. When you think about the fact that someone is literally licking your genitals, getting a bit of fuzz mixed in doesn't seem like a big deal. But even so, the sensation of having a hair on your tongue is not always a pleasant one.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Watch people guess what these sex toys are for:
Images: Andrew Zaeh/Bustle; Giphy (7)