7 Signs Your Friend Is Negatively Affecting You

Having a best friend can make the world a much better place, or at least a much easier place. You have your person that you can count on and that you can go through life’s moments with. So how do you know when a best friend isn't the best? A close friend is great in theory; you always have someone always in your corner, backing you up, even if you are wrong. You have someone to listen those crazy thoughts at three in the morning. And you have a bond that can make you feel a little less alone in this world.

When you find that number one best friend, you have to cherish it. With that being said, sometimes we have to reevaluate our friendships. Maybe who we thought was our friend soulmate is actually being a total jerk. When you’ve already given someone the title of BFF, it’s hard to notice when they don’t deserve it anymore. So what if they’ve said a couple rude things behind your back? And who cares if they told that secret that you didn’t want going around? Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s not OK to call someone a best friend if they haven’t earned being your “best” one.

Being a counselor and relationship expert, I know how crucial relationships can be, even if they aren't necessarily romantic. Having a close and trusting bond with another person makes life wonderful. But, having the opposite can make life not so wonderful.

Here are seven signs your best friend probably isn't that great after all.

1. You Don’t Remember The Last Time You Got To Talk About Yourself

If all of your late night phone conversations are starting to make you feel like Diane Sawyer, asking them all the questions, while you sit and listen, then it might be time to rethink this friendship. Are you getting anything out of it? Are you able to vent too? If not, I say “to the left, to the left.”

2. You Think They Have Talked Behind Your Back

This is no-no when it comes to being a bestie, let alone any friendship. Talking behind somebody's back isn’t a quality of a true or loyal friend. If they are talking about you while you’re not around, it better be about how amazing and wonderful you are. If not — bye, felicia.

3. They Weren't There When Times Got Tough

Any friend will be there for you when times are great. Sure, they will be the first one to answer their phone when you want to go out dancing, but is he or she picking up the phone when you just heard that your Grandma is in the hospital? Or when your partner has decided to end your relationship? A friend would probably forward you to voicemail and call you back later, while a best friend would show up at your doorstep with a box of tissues and a shoulder to cry on.

4. They Wouldn’t Offer To Pick You Up From The Airport Or Help You Move

The easiest way to see if you have a best friend is to ask them to pick you up from the airport or help you move out of an apartment. Nobody really wants to do that. Only a bestie or a family member would offer to do it. Also, asking your friend to help you move will show you really quickly if they are best friend material.

5. Once They Get Into A Relationship, It's Bye Bye

We've all had that friend who got into a relationship was never heard from again.Yeah, that’s not really a best friend. That’s a friend of convenience. I know it’s important for your friend to make his or her relationship a priority. If your supposed “best friend” has been MIA for quite some time now, it’s probably about to time to boot that BFF title.

6. Big Events Mean Nothing To Them

There are events in people’s lives that matter — getting married, having a baby, getting your first apartment, graduating from school, etc. On these momentous occasions, your best friend should be at your side. He or she should be your biggest cheerleader. I know we all have a lot of things going on in our lives and it’s easy to make excuses. But there are some times when excuses don’t count. Amazing friends show up for the moments that count.

7. They Don't Remember The Little Things

Yes, big things matter, but let’s not forget the little things as well. A best friend will remember those tiny details, so when it’s your birthday he or she will get you the most thoughtful present. Or, when you both are flying together, he or she always offer the aisle seat. Your bestie will remember your favorite movie, and give you all the red Starbursts because they know that they're your favorite.

A best friend should be there no matter what, and you're under no obligation to keep them around if they're not making you happy.

Images: Tuan Hoang Nguyen/Flickr, Giphy (7)