41 Thoughts I Had While Listening To *NSYNC’s “Riddle” For The First Time

Let the record show that I am a failure of an *NSYNC fan. In a recent interview with Us Weekly, Joey Fatone named his least favorite *NSYNC song...and I did not recognize the name of the song.(Ugh, this is "I'll Never Stop" all over again. How did I let myself miss out on these *NSYNC tunes for so many years? Hey, if I were to write a song about this, I'd call it "I'll Never Stop Letting Joey Fatone, Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Chris Kirkpatrick, and Lance Bass Down.") Here's what the former boy bander said when asked to pick the *NSYNC track with the least flow:

"Riddle" is a song that came out on the European album which was dancing music. It was just horrible!

The ditty of which J. Fatone speaks only appears on the German edition of *NSYNC's self-titled debut album. You might be familiar with "Riddle," but the 18-year-old song is brand new to me. Yes, I am ashamed of myself. I consider myself a diehard *NSYNC devotee, but I never got around to acquiring or listening to German version of the group's first album. And yes, I am ashamed of myself.

There was only one thing to do: pull up "Riddle" and listen to it for the first time. I wanted to know what the On The Line star was talking about. I had to hear this allegedly “horrible” song with my own ears. As I listened, I recorded my reactions to the song. Here they are:

  1. Whoa. I’m only five seconds in and my heart rate has already increased.
  2. Listening to this song is basically like taking a cardio kickboxing class.
  3. Or like jumping rope in a room full of lasers.
  4. Or like playing Dance Dance Revolution.
  5. Or like going to that Spice World dance club where Nicola goes into labor.
  6. Or like living in the first Mortal Kombat movie.
  7. Needless to say, this song won me over right away.
  8. Wait, what is Justin singing in the pre-chorus?
  9. It sounds like “What is sure enough, what is sure enough, English mile,” but that doesn’t make sense.
  10. *Checks MetroLyrics.* The lyric is: What is showing up, what is showing up in her smile.
  11. Oh. OK. Does she have something in her teeth?
  12. This chorus is jussssst right.
  13. THIS LASER INTERLUDE AFTER THE FIRST CHORUS IS EVERYTHING.
  14. I did not see that coming.
  15. AND IT’S STILL GOING.
  16. THE LASERS WILL NOT STOP.
  17. THE LASERS WILL LAST FOREVER.
  18. Oh, never mind. The lasers did stop eventually.
  19. Man, that laser interlude was such a nice surprise.
  20. Honestly, I don’t understand what Joey has against this song.
  21. How could you not be all about the lasers?
  22. Um, do you hear what begins at the 2:07 mark?
  23. Do you hear that robot voice that starts to croon at the 2:07 mark?
  24. *Falls out of chair.*
  25. *Climbs back into chair.*
  26. *Rewinds song to 2:07 mark.*
  27. *Falls out of chair again.*
  28. *Remains on floor.*
  29. That robot voice.
  30. THAT ROBOT VOICE.
  31. Who doesn’t love a robot voice?
  32. There is a lot going on in this song, but all of it works.
  33. OK, let’s see if this song sticks the landing.
  34. *Listens to the last 10 seconds of song.*
  35. Oh, how dare I doubt this song.
  36. How dare I question whether or not the song will nail the ending.
  37. Of course the song nails the ending.
  38. What. A. Powerful. Final. Moment.
  39. It's official: this song is incredible.
  40. It might be one of my favorite *NSYNC songs.
  41. Like, I don’t want to pick a fight with Joey Fatone, but he's so wrong.
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Call me Edward Nygma, because I will dig "Riddle" until the end of time.