Stuck in the Subway with Witches?

It could happen to any of us at any time. Sitting, commuting, minding your own business and then suddenly: BOOM! A couple witches hop on the subway. And not just any witches: the witchiest members of the American Horror Story: Coven family. Well, we're sorry to say it, but if you're not careful that trip could be your last. Because everybody knows the last place you want to be when trapped next to a witch is underground. Thankfully, now is the time to learn something from these witches.

Instagram user Sam M. (known as aboyfromipanema to his followers) managed to survive his subterranean encounter with the biggest witches of the coven (also known as actresses Sarah Paulson and Jessica Lange) while riding on the E train in New York City. But his escape was just barely so, and hardly a quest worth tackling by the unprepared. But it wasn't a cavalier attitude that kept him alive, rather his keen sense of timing, observation, and possibly/maybe some sort of sorcery that kept him from bursting into flames upon taking this photograph. Sam M. survived the worst to bring us the best.

But what does that mean for the rest of us, and what does one do, then, when they've found themselves in the presence of great and powerful witches? Why we've compiled a list of tips to ensure that — should you ever come into contact with an all-powerful witch while trapped underground in a speeding metal tube — you, too, shall survive this epic encounter.

Don't Freak Out

They don't take kindly to hyperactive emotions.

Do Not Make Direct Eye Contact

Or you'll have a fight on your hands.

Don't Make Any Sudden Movements

Keep cool, keep calm, avoid straphanging in their vicinity.

Listen to Music to Protect from Mind Control

Your insides will hate you if you don't.

But Don't Pick Stevie Nicks

Witches don't like when you play cute with them.

Keep Away From Any Traveling Rats

They could be secret minions intent on taking down anyone that crosses them.

If All Else Fails, Name Check Papa Legba

That should shut them up. Or at least force them to second guess your soul and not give you any trouble.

Images: Getty; FX [1]; aboyfromipanema/Instagram [1]; AHSGifs/Tumblr [7]