With the holiday season, comes oodles and oodles of holiday parties. From tree-cutting parties (although I have no idea why that even exists) to office holiday parties (because you need a lot of alcohol to tolerate some of your coworkers), for the next couple weeks your schedule is about to be jam-packed with holiday parties, work and otherwise. The best part about these holiday work parties? It gives you a perfect excuse to get it on with someone you may not have considered getting it on with in the past ― alcohol and merriment does that.
According to a survey by Ann Summers, a lingerie and erotic retailer in the UK, work holiday parties make for the ideal place to have sex. In fact, 39 percent of the 2,000 UK adults surveyed admitted to getting busy at a holiday work party, which I think makes sense in a lot of ways. You’re forced to be civil to these people, day in and day out, then when you let loose everyone is suddenly some version of Michael Scott or David Brent, depending on which version of The Office you prefer to call your favorite. It’s scary, but it’s the truth.
But when it comes to having sex during a holiday party, location is everything. For starters, you don’t want to get walked-in on with your skivvies around your ankles and secondly, depending on where you work, this could possibly be grounds for firing. While the study found that 10 percent of people opted for having sex in the office bathroom and eight percent dared to bang on the office pool table (I want an office pool table!), these two spots aren’t even in the top five spots for holiday party sexin’ times. The top five spots are actually a bit more daring.
5. On Your Desk
For 15 percent of those surveyed, having sex on their desk during a holiday party seems like the best idea. Honestly, I find this one a bit sad. Not because I’m against fornicating on desks (because, um, hello? It’s awesome), but because why are these hard workers being subjected to partying down in their place of work? I would think management would be kind enough to at least take them to a local pub so employees can finally see each other in a more natural habitat.
4. Boss’ Office
Because it’s quite clear that, at least in the UK, holiday parties are being held at the office, 16 percent figure “eff it,” and take to their boss’ office for a “snog,” as the Brits say. I mean, if the boss can’t make an out-of-office party happen, then they just might deserve to have their office sexed up their employees.
3. Storage Cupboard
True story: I once worked at a marketing company where the storage closet saw more action than I think my bedroom has ever seen and I’ve been in my apartment for almost 10 years ― and I’m talking about even when it wasn’t holiday season. My point? The storage area is a pretty happening place for hooking up with a coworker or a client, and for 18 percent of those surveyed, it’s their top choice.
Personally, I think the boardroom makes for a stellar place to have sex during a holiday party and 21 percent of the survey’s respondents agree. Not only do you have a nice big table to work with, but you have ample chairs. And we all know having sex in a chair is a hot position to tackle.
1. Parking Lot
Coming in first place for the top spot to have sex? The parking lot. Yes, for 25 percent of those who decide a work holiday party is the perfect occasion for sex, they slip out a side door, and book it to the parking lot. While cars do make for great spots for sex, it doesn’t really leave much room for legs or excitement. But it does, however, lower the chances that one of your coworkers will eye-spy your bare ass and that’s definitely something.
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