My mother is a lovely woman — hi Mom, if you're reading this — but she's a bit of a worrier. She's the kind of woman who's always watching the news, who tracks my flights, always asks me to call when I get to wherever I'm going, forwards me emails pertaining to any sort of recall or E.coli outbreak, suggests that I get an MRI for a headache, and manages to make treating me like I'm still a child charming. It's not her fault, it's just her breed — the natural born worrier, the Nervous Nancy, the Scared Sally, The Worried Wendy, The Jumpy Judy...
Just last week, my mother called, frantic, to let me know that there was a shooting in New York City and that I should "be careful," because the shooters had not yet been caught. You know, as if that doesn't ever happen in New York and that maybe something that occurred twelve hours ago in one borough might be a danger to me in another borough.
She means well, but it's hard not roll my eyes at about 80 percent of the things she calls to tell me about. If you too have a nervous mother, these are probably some of the things she calls you about on the reg:
Your mom is so on top of the news, she can text you crime updates quicker than your news app can refresh. She's mostly concerned with crime in your area, but she's not too picky. A robbery in Northern California is surly cause for concern in LA. She'll call to remind you to lock your doors before bed and make sure all your windows are locked and the curtains are drawn. You might listen, you probably won't.
So it's raining now, but the weather report says that the temperature is going to drop soon, you know what that means: black ice. Your mother will do whatever she can to keep you off the road, because despite your driving skills and wits, you don't want a run in with black ice.
"Throw away all of your mayonnaise! A new study revealed that there's a enzyme..." Yes, there's always a new study and your mother is always all up on that. Diet soda, gluten-free flour, canned tuna, suntan lotion bottled in the year 2012, cleansing conditioners from Brazil — there's always something wrong with them and you'll be the first to know. Your mother might not have tons of facts to back up her claim, but she'll definitely sound really frazzled and upset about it.
Your mother is very worried about your health. She keeps on top of your annual appointments — eyes, ears, OB/GYN, neurology — hell, pediatrist. She wants you in tip top shape, all the time. "And don't forget to let them know about that spot on your back," she'll remind you.
"Have you been eating well?" She'll ask you, every single time you talk to her. She'll remind you to get enough protein so you have the energy to take on the world.
What's Everyone Doing?
"How's Brittany doing? Her mom? Does she like her job? Is she dating anyone?" Your mother is never not interested in your friends and their lives. You can't imagine what the information means to her, but she sure convinces you that it means something.
Cell Phone Safety
"Don't sleep near your cell phone, it will scramble your brain waves!" or "Make sure you keep your phone tucked away when you're walking down the street, criminals can just take them!" I'll bet you've heard those before. Your mom feels really torn about cell phones — she loves how connected it keeps you two but she's so worried about all of the possible side effects.
"Come here, let me feel your head," she'll say before pressing her lips to your forehead. Anytime you complain of a headache, toothache, stomachache, your mother will want to check your temperature.
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