A few months ago, I endured my first serious breakup. Even though I initiated the split, everything about that breakup was, as I'm sure you can imagine if you've ever had to breakup with someone you love, f*cking horrible. About a month after that relationship ended, despite the numerous objections of my friends, I had breakup sex with my ex. It was my first experience with breakup sex, and I don't regret it. But I do wish I'd been more prepared for what breakup sex is really like. Because, in my experience, there are some hard — and not so hard — truths about breakup sex that I've since found out are pretty universal.
I'm sure you've heard it said that breakup sex is often super hot, and in my experience, that statement holds true. But even good breakup sex can also be heartbreaking, hilarious, healing and counterproductive all at once, awkward, too comfortable, confusing, and a whole bunch of other things. Personally, I feel like breakup sex gave me some closure, so I don't really feel like I can honestly advise against a one-time romp with an ex. That said, I also know from experience that even good breakup sex can really set you back emotionally.
So if you've never had breakup sex but you're planning on changing that, then read on.
1. Even If The Breakup Was Your Idea, You're Probably Still Going To Cry
You may think being the one who initiated your breakup will keep you from feeling sad post-breakup sex, but it probably won't. Though I was the one who initiated my breakup, and although breakup sex didn't make me want to get back together with my ex, it did kind of break my heart all over again. Even if you're the one who ended the relationship, if you still love your ex when you have breakup sex with them, you're going to cry at some point after having said breakup sex. I know I did. A lot.
2. ... But You're Also Probably Going To Laugh At Some Point
I had a lot of expectations about breakup sex, but the last thing I anticipated was that my ex and I would start laughing during the act. At one point during our breakup sex, we both looked at the mirror next to his bed to watch ourselves having sex, caught each other looking, and immediately started laughing. I still giggle when I think about it.
Unless you and your ex ended things on really bad terms, (and if you did, you probably should skip the breakup sex altogether) then don't be surprised if your breakup sexperience includes a few goofy, lighthearted moments. Embrace those funny moments, because chances are, you could probably use a few more positive memories of your ex.
3. Sometimes Breakup Sex Can Help You Move On
OK, so I'm not suggesting that you should have breakup sex if your only reason for doing so is to move on. If you go into breakup sex expecting it to give you all the closure you need, then you're almost definitely going to be disappointed. That said, there's evidence that breakup sex can actually lessen the psychological distress of a breakup.
Personally, I feel like breakup sex both helped and hurt me. Being with my ex one last time (alright, alright, two last times) gave me closure in more ways than one. My ex was so much more considerate of me as a sexual partner during our breakup sex than he had been almost the entire time we were together, and it helped me realize that my sex life probably never would have gotten better if I'd stayed in that relationship. I'm also really happy that the last time I saw my ex was right after we'd had really good sex with each other, rather than the day I broke up with him and moved him out of our apartment.
4. If The Sex Was Mostly Bad During Your Relationship, Hot Breakup Sex Isn't Necessarily Confusing
We've already established that breakup sex is some of the hottest sex to be had. Fortunately, though, in my experience, super hot breakup sex won't make you regret your breakup. Personally, the hotness of my breakup sex managed to both piss me off and give me clarity, but it didn't cause me to feel any regret.
The fact that I had to breakup with my ex for him to stop being selfish in bed was just further proof that ending our relationship was the right call. One super hot, post-breakup sex session doesn't undo years of disappointing sex with a selfish partner. So if you're worried that hot breakup sex will make you want to get back together with an ex who was generally pretty selfish in bed, you might not need to.
5. You Should Be Prepared For Next-Day Soreness
Part of what makes breakup sex hot is the fact that you and your ex don't know when, or if, the two of you will have sex again. Because of this, you're both probably going to bang with vigor and passion, and you're probably going to do so for as long as possible. In my experience, this will result in some next-day soreness. Feeling sore after sex isn't necessarily a bad thing, but you definitely don't want to hurt yourself, either. Don't forget to bring some lube along to your post-breakup sex adventure.
6. The Hug Goodbye Afterwards Is Probably Going To Be The Hardest Part
Breakup sex, though it can complicate things, is usually really fun. I mean, it's sex, and it's often pretty hot sex at that. The really hard part is saying goodbye afterwards. When I hugged my ex goodbye after our breakup sex, I couldn't stop crying, and he couldn't either. Honestly, it still makes me sad when I think about it.
So if you're planning to have sex with your ex, be prepared for the goodbye to hurt like hell. Because unless you no longer love your ex when you have breakup sex with them, hugging them goodbye (especially if you don't know when you're going to see them again) is going to be really tough.
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