Your Parents Never Let You Watch These '90s Movies
Let's take a trip down memory lane — to the '90s, of course. A time when your CD player was poppin', when you had "Backstreet Boys" inscribed on the underside of your blue, sparkly retainer, and when your butterfly clips were on fleek, but you had no idea what "on fleek" meant because, despite watching Back To The Future 300 times, you could never get the hang of time travel. Life was great. Except that you were plagued by youth — and all the things that come along with being relatively new on this earth. Namely, not being allowed to do "cool" and "grown up" things — like watch "cool" and "grown up" movies. Yes, there were tons of '90s films that you were definitely not allowed to watch as a kid.
Oh, to be young again.
I get that it always used to mad bum you out when you couldn't watch violent and sexually explicit films, even though you had the cinematic preferences of someone at least three years old than you. That was a whack time for you — and really all of us. But consider yourself lucky, that your tiny growing mind wasn't infiltrated with the kind of mass violence that might have really thwarted your ability to speak to humans if you watched, say, Pulp Fiction as a four year old. Now that it's been a while, and you're a fully functioning adult, you can thank your parents for keeping you in that bubble.
But, for the sake of reminiscing, here are a few of those films your parents never let you watch — and for good reason.
1. Basic Instinct (1992)
This erotic thriller was a big deal in '92. However, the now famous scene of Sharon Stone sans underwear was a little too risque for your young eyeballs.
2. Dazed And Confused (1993)
The stoner coming of age comedy would have totally understood your plight... if you were old enough by the time it came out to have understood any of the jokes.
3. Clerks (1994)
Most of the innuendos would have probably gone over your head anyway, but the expletives were enough for your parents to rightfully shield you from this Kevin Smith classic.
4. Natural Born Killers (1994)
Two young serial killers go on a murdering spree. Even now, it's one of the most controversial and divisive movies ever made, so consider yourself luckily pardoned from the graphic nature of this one.
5. Kids (1995)
Ah. The notorious movie about a bunch of really amoral kids doing really amoral things. This is a movie that over two decades later — and viewed through the lens of an adult — is still hard to watch.
6. Scream (1996)
Pretty much all of your friends were sneaking this one past their parents, but if you were being honest with yourself, there was a part of you that was too terrified to do the same. (Not for fear of getting caught, for fear of actually watching someone wear that terrifying mask while ruthlessly murdering people.)
7. There's Something About Mary (1998)
The zipping scene alone would have probably scarred you. Or maybe the hair gel one. There were too many to count, so be glad you waited.
8. Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
Centered around the premise of an undercover sex group, not even the most open of parents would have been cool with this.
9. Cruel Intentions (1999)
Sex, drugs, terrible people — Cruel Intentions was basically every parent's nightmare.
10. Varsity Blues (1999)
When everyone was talking about that whipped cream bikini scene, you probably felt left out. You also would have given your right arm to watch anything with Dawson, aka James Van Der Beek, aka your boyfriend — but alas, there you were: Not watching.
11. American Pie (1999)
The movie that sparked a cultural revolution. For pies. And band camp.
12. Jawbreaker (1999)
A dark comedy that probably wouldn't have sat so well with you — and would have almost certainly given you an unnatural fear of hard candy. You were better off without this one, trust.
Now go on. Go on and thank your parents for all that sheltering. It's OK to admit that you were wrong. (It's also OK to fess up and tell them you watched pretty much all of these anyway because — what! — you can't get grounded anymore. Who's "cool" and "grown up" now?)
Images: Woods Entertainment