The Best Valentine's Day Gifts for 'Gilmore Girls'
Valentine's Day is coming up, and for those of us with no human life partner, the best way to celebrate is to Netflix and Chill with my one and only, The Gilmore Girls.To be fair, if I had a significant other that wasn't a Warner Brothers television series, I would probably also choose this track, but I would request a foot massage from said significant other while viewing. The Gilmore Girls has everything you need on Valentine's Day for a night in: constantly corrupted romance, witty dialogue, ridiculously good-looking lead actors. Watching the Girls live their lives in the beyond-adorable and incredibly spirited town of Stars Hollow makes my frigid heart a fraction less icier.
But what would the characters of Gilmore Girls be doing on a day so hallowed and hated as Valentine's Day? What would Paris be up to, or Rory, or Paul Anka? With such a wide variety of characters, we can assume they're all up to something, whether it be romantic, anti-romantic, or deeply disturbing (I'm looking at you, Kirk, ya weirdo). We can also assume Stars Hollow has a lot of fun planned activities, but who will choose to take part and who will be too busy leading the free world (Paris) to do anything romantic? The following are my guesses.
1. Lorelai Gilmore
Luke — because the dream couple are still together please oh please — knows the right way to treat his lady is to buy into whatever weird obsession she has at the time. He gets her a box-set of Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall collaboration movies and tickets to whatever odd festival is going on in Stars Hollow the night of V-Day.
2. Rory Gilmore
Rory is still single in the upcoming revival, so, as such, she doesn't have any romantic gifts coming in. But that doesn't mean Mama Lorelai will forget her. The ideal gift for Lorelai to buy Rory is the DVD for the movie Valentine's Day, along with a taped recording of Lorelai's commentary. Rory will love the connection to her mother when she's off doing important things like interviewing world leaders.
3. Emily Gilmore
Richard Gilmore is unfortunately no longer with us, but the Gilmores have a lot of money and Richard a lot of foresight, so I'm going to make a guess that Richard has a huge (but not tacky) bouquet of roses planned to go out to his bride on all birthdays and holidays until her eventual death.
4. Jackson Melville
Sookie will make her hubby a dinner from all of his best vegetables. They'll hire Kirk as a babysitter (because what job hasn't he had) and have a lovely night alone.
5. Lane Kim
Say what you will about Lane's fate as young mother of twins, but I have faith that she has grown into the coolest of adults and has managed to follow her dreams. Hubby Zack Van Gerbig will take her on a whirlwind weekend getaway to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum, leaving the twins with Grandma Kim.
6. Doyle McCaster
Doyle will probably not get his ideal gift, but, since Paris Geller is his ideal woman, he's up for whatever challenge she throws at him. This year, Paris thinks Doyle needs to open up his thoughts on sexuality, so she signed him up for a five-day online seminar on the patriarchy's hold on modern politics.
7. Miss Patty
If Miss Patty's dancing stars know anything, it's that she loves to tell stories and to choreograph dance moves. The perfect gift for her is a choreographed dance by her students that tells the story of some of Miss Patty's most dastardly stories.
All this theorizing on ideal Valentine's Day gifts for our Gilmore Girls favorites is making me more and more excited for the revival season. Come on guys, when's my premiere date? I'm dying here. Regardless, may you have a wonderful Valentine's Day whether solo or with a significant other, and may it be a Gilmore-themed one. Oy, with the poodles already!