With Valentine's Day coming up, the stress of buying the ones you love something great increases by the hour, unless you are one of those super chill couples that just loves each other without the need to exchange gifts of monetary value. (If you think those are the only two camps Valentine's Day participants fall under, I am here to burst your bubble.) For whatever camp you fall under, I propose a middleground — finding things to name your Valentine after and calling it a day.
Because really, there's no other way to make everyone happy. Consider how many groups we divide into: there are people who care a lot about Valentine's Day and go all out. There are people who don't care at all. There are single people, recently broken up people, and "we're in that weird in between period where we don't know if we are a couple or not" people. And let's not forget the people who care about Valentine's Day ironically or those who care the perfect amount but don't know what to get their loved ones. I am a person who fits under the umbrella of "kinda likes the idea of Valentine's Day but prefers not to celebrate it in the most cliche way," so I always look forward to non-traditional gifts. I like 'em obscure, personal and weird. Just like my men.
The best kind of gifts have thought behind them. They mean something and come from the heart. Don't get me wrong, some people like expensive gifts and I don't blame them for it, but I like a good story. So here is a list of things that are a bit kooky, a bit weird, and available for you to work on this year. A list of things weird things to name after your Valentine.
Warning: some of these items are totally infeasible for your budget, others are a cinch, but all are here for the lolz.
Looking up into the night sky, wouldn't it be super romantic to point to one and tell your significant other that it's theirs? Maybe make a day of it and have a moonlit picnic while you're at it?
Custom Star Naming Kit, $54, www.starregistry.com
America is connected by roads. It's a very impressive system, frustrated as we get by the traffic on 'em. How better to celebrate your loved one then naming a part of the transit system after them? Imagine driving down Route 66 and coming across a plaque in their honor. #bless.
*In order to do this you will have to contact your local State Legislator and appeal through the Senate or Assembly.
If your partner is a gamer or someone who used to be into Neopets, naming a little creature after one would be awesome. Just remember to feed them so they aren't "famished" and dying by the time you present them to your partner.
*You will need to create a Neopets account or somehow log into your old account from middle school in order to accomplish this.
If you create a sandwich and name it after someone you love, they might love you for it. Especially if it's at an artisan sandwich shop in Brooklyn.
*This will take patience and skill. Here are some detailed instructions on how to accomplish this task.
Create a signature scent that reminds you of your partner and name it after them. That way you look smart and thoughtful.
Custom Perfume, $80, Unique Scents
6. A New Element In The Periodic Table Of Elements
For those who are more into science then entertainment, why not discover a new element and name it "Amy" or "Sarah" or "Drew" or "Marcus"? All you will need for this is a degree in chemistry and years of research and brainstorming with very little gratitude from others.
7. A Novel/Screenplay Character
Just remember to pick a good character. It can be a villain or a protagonist, just as long as they are really well written.
8. Music Piece/Song
Writing a song for someone and including your significant other's name is SO romantic. Do you know how many people got pregnant after just hearing a song with their names in it? A lot. A lot of people.
9. A Boat*
*While this is a romantic gesture, it will require buying, having, and maintaining a boat.
10. A Band**
**This is also require you having and maintaining a band. One step above just including someone's name in a song. Warning: if the band breaks up, you will not have a good time.
11. Ice Cream Flavor
I would love to sit down and share a couple of scoops of Dasha on Valentine's Day afternoon.
Personalized Ice Cream, $85, www.ecreamery.com
Start a charity in the name of someone. It will not only make your S.O. happy, but it will also help others.
13. A Cocktail
Alcoholic drinks named after me? Hi. Marry me? You will need to convince a bartender that this is a great idea. You can also just make one at home and name it after your loved one.
14. Sexual Position
I'm trying to hit all audiences and inspire them all. Some people are super adventurous in bed and if was the one who created a dope sex-move I would want everyone doing it Dasha Style.
15. High Score
Nothing like seeing your name used to describe being the best at something. You will need to spend a few hours and a lot of quarters at Dave and Busters in order to accomplish this.
Good luck to all of you this Valentine's Day. Hope you and your loved ones really have a special one.
Images: Giphy (19), Pexels