What Going To A Psychic Dating Coach Is Really Like

First things first, I've always been a fan of psychics. While my friends may roll their eyes at me when I tell them about my experiences interacting with folks who can see and predict another dimension, there's something comforting (and exciting!) hearing tips from psychics about your future. Blame it on my mom the astrologer or a deep belief that the universe speaks to people in different ways, but there's something about intuitives that have always fascinated me.

So when I was given the opportunity to speak with psychic dating coaches about my future husband, I was definitely up for the experience. I spoke with two coaches who channel their psychic powers to give insight to their clients about what could be in store for them: Deborah Graham, spiritualist, reader, advisor, psychic relationship coach and the star of TLC/Discovery Network's The Psychic Matchmaker and relationship intuitive expert Joan Marie Whelan.

While I wish I was able to meet with these experts in person, we had readings over the phone that surprised me with how accurate they were and how much insight they were able to detect. Though of course naysayers will comment on my major Google-ability as a dating writer, I tried to keep an open mind — and more importantly, an open heart — as I listened to them detect my future love life

Here's what I learned: 

You Have To Let Go Of The Past

Both Graham and Whelan brought up my past in some way. While Graham quickly zeroed in on an ex-boyfriend, that after being broken up for four years, still contacts me from time-to-time, Whelan talked about my dad. What surprised me the most about Whelan was how she pinpointed the age I was when my dad got sick for the first time — something I've never shared publicly —and suggested it was time to heal the wound. (Fear of a parent passing away or never getting better can wreck major havoc on your ability to trust someone as your partner, trust me.) 

Whelan suggested writing a letter to my younger self who was so scared when my father started becoming ill, and Graham suggested writing a letter to my ex-boyfriend to fully let him go. The bottom line? Any sort of living-in-the-past mentality or heartbreak in any form can make it difficult to move forward with the relationship you really want to find, cultivate and foster. 

It's OK To Get Offline (And Off-App)

Both Graham and Whelan said they saw me finding a happy, healthy relationship within the next six months (as long as I let go of those nagging past issues) - and that I'd meet him by doing something that I loved and was interested in. Funnily enough, I've been off of dating apps for quite some time now — almost five or so months — and it's only out of anxiety that I ever download them. Each time I do — on those lonely sobering Friday nights — I almost instantly regret it because I feel so burnt out of endless swiping. 

Their advice is to simply live my life and fill it with all of the things that bring me joy and happiness. Seems easy enough, but when you've been suckered into believing the digital age of dating is the only thing that'll bring you a relationship, it can be tough to log out and log back into the present moment. I'm trying— and my first step was signing up for an intensive cooking class program I've been dying to do. I won't say I'm hoping to meet the next (kinder) Bobby Flay, but I won't deny it either.

I Have to Let Go of Fear

The biggest thing that's kept me single all of these years, according to the talent psychic ladies? Myself. It's a tough pill to swallow, but coupled with not being able to let go of my past and frantically making my dating life more about 'finding the one' instead of enjoying the experience, I've added a layer of anxiety to everything I do, and it shows. Not just to the psychics (and my friends and parents and everyone) — but to the men I'm trying to date, too. They both commented that I need to build my confidence level and truly focus on being open and connected to the present. I've started by writing daily joy lists every day and not projecting into the future that I can't see. 

Because regardless if you believe in astrologers or psychics or any of that jazz, what better advice is there than to make your life - and your heart- happy and complete while you're dating? It can only lead to good things, and maybe, just maybe, that relationship I've been wanting to have for so very long. They both say I'll find it —  along with a marriage and children to boot — but the first step is getting out of my own way. 

Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.

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Image: Courtesy of Victoria Grace Photography

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