7 Sexy Alternatives To Vaginal Intercourse

For hetero couples, vaginal intercourse is often the default when it comes to sexual contact. However, sex is so much more varied than putting a penis in a vagina, and there are tons of alternatives to vaginal intercourse out there. Not that I have anything against penises in vaginas, mind you. I’m a heteroflexible, cisgender woman and vaginal intercourse is way up there on my list of favorite things to do. I’m just kind of bummed about the fact that it’s such a focus for so many people that the wide, wide range of other options out there often get neglected.

For example, I’ve often found myself nostalgically longing for that time of my life when I was sexually active but hadn’t yet had intercourse. Like a lot of folks, I held out on having vaginal intercourse until I had a partner that I loved and trusted. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t being sexual with people before that — quite the opposite, in fact. I think that the time before I “lost my virginity” (in quotes because I hate that we say we “lost” it and I also have a much more fluid idea of virginity than I did at 15) was the most sexually varied of my life. I explored different kinds of pleasure with different partners and figured out exactly how my body worked in conjunction with another. It was a fun, thrilling, sexy time.

But as an adult, I’ve both heard from friends and experienced in my own sex life the rush to intercourse. Even the terms we use for it — “going all the way,” “home base,” “end game,” to name just a few — indicate the fact that we tend to think of vaginal intercourse as the ultimate goal. With the focus on “doing it,” we have a tendency to gloss over or skip the other its altogether. So here’s your challenge: Check out this list of seven alternatives to vaginal intercourse and commit to at least one in order to recapture some of that sexual variety magic.

1. Mutual Masturbation

I kind of hate the term “mutual masturbation” because it does not, in fact, mean masturbating together. (Although that’s definitely fun too.) Mutual masturbation is when you only use your hands on your partner in order to get each other off. So, if you’re in a heterosexual couple, for example, the girl would give the guy a hand job and the guy would finger the girl.

2. Oral Sex

Not everyone loves oral but those who do love it really love it. If you’re one of those people, ask your partner if they’re down for a sex session that only involves your mouths, genitals, and hands. It can be a great way to focus solely on your partner’s pleasure and then trade, of course.

3. Video Chat Sex

When you’re having video chat sex you can’t have intercourse (yet, although there are a couple of cool companies working on sex robots). What you can do is talk dirty, show of your bodies, and masturbate. If you haven’t done this yet, I can’t recommend it enough. There’s something truly hot about being able to have such an effect on someone’s body from far away.

4. Sexting

Related to video chat sex but obviously not exactly the same, sexting can be used either as form of foreplay for intercourse or just as your own personalized erotica when you want to get off but aren’t with your partner(s). And remember: sexting can also include pics or just words. It’s totally up to you.

5. Making Out

Remember how fiercely you used to make out? How good it felt and how crazy it made you feel? Why not try to relive some of that magic by taking vaginal intercourse off the table and making out like a teenager again? Ugh, so hot!

6. Anal Sex

Anal sex was used as a back door loophole (couldn’t resist) by a lot of teenagers when I was growing up. And while I don’t agree that it’s “not really sex,” (sex is in its last name, after all) anal can be a great alternative to vaginal intercourse. It does, however, take quite a bit more preparation than other types of sex so please don’t jump into it blindly! Check out this post for some tips on how to get started.

7. Bondage

Bondage play — as well as other types of kinky BDSM play — can involve intercourse but it doesn’t have to. In fact, it often doesn’t. Plenty of people practice bondage and get a lot of pleasure out of it without ever involving a penis entering a vagina. Do a little research on the ways you can incorporate bondage or BDSM into your sex life in order to determine if it’s right for you and your partner(s).

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