A truth about female sexuality that many partners still astoundingly seem to forget is that our bodies don't just show up ready to get down and dirty. It takes a bit of effort to get most women aroused enough to have sex. This might not be the case for everyone all the time, but it certainly holds true for a lot more women than you might think if you only used porn as your reference.
About 40% of women in the United States say they have trouble getting lubricated during sex, and it's the second-most common "problem" in the bedroom, behind low libido. It's a complicated issue that could be attributed to poor physiological or psychological responses — or both — so the solution to dryness won't the exact same for any two people. Of course, it can also be that a woman's partner is simply rushing it, and that the pressure we put on ourselves to get turned on quickly is an unfair expectation in the first place. Female sexuality shouldn't have to function on a male timeline.
But as ordinary as it is, vaginal dryness isn't the easiest topic to bring up with your partner, especially not when you're mid-makeout and the bra is already coming off. First of all, don't feel bad if you encounter a desert vag every now and then. It happens to the best of us, and it's no reflection of how sexy you are. Luckily, there are plenty of women out there who have experienced the occasional dryness before, and they don't mind being honest about what works for them.
I asked nine women for their tips for getting wet during sex, and here's what they had to say:
1. Megan, 29
Nipples. Pay attention to your nipples. Actually, it helps to focus in on any small parts of the body that usually get overlooked. Behind the ears is a good spot. The upper back too. Go explore.
2. Kim, 23
I've been in this current relationship for a while, so I know what it's like to feel like you've fallen into a boring pattern every time you're about to have sex. I've had a problem getting wet enough before because it just feels like the same thing over and over again. So I've found that it's good to mix it up. Have sex in a different room, spend more time with foreplay, and mess around with some sex toys. Of course, have some lube handy. That's the finishing touch!
3. Katie, 30
I'm that girl who actually enjoys giving head, and when I'm in a bind and I can't really get wet enough, I ask my husband to lie back so I can do my work on him. Obviously he has no problem with this, and it usually does the trick. If that doesn't work, I use a lube. Problem solved.
4. Lauren, 29
I love a little dirty talk! It doesn't have to be hardcore porn status, but whispering a few dirty things into each other's ears makes everything way hotter. It's even better if you can do it when you're not totally undressed yet.
5. D, 26
Coconut oil saves the day every single time, without fail. I keep a little jar in my nightstand drawer. You know, where people usually keep their vibrators. Get yourself the natural, organic kind, and you can use it for just about everything, like for oil for body massages and lube too. It won't irritate your skin or your vagina, and it smells really sexy!
6. Jackie, 25
There's nothing sexier than really taking your time. I like it when my guy caresses me, kisses me everywhere on my body, not just on the lips, and then we slowly make our way to the main event. If you rush it every time, it won't feel special.
7. Lola, 22
So my partner (we are both women) actually does have trouble getting wet sometimes — usually beforehand and during foreplay is fine, but sometimes during penetration she will get dry. Use lube if needed or it can hurt otherwise!
8. Rachel, 26
Are they going down on you enough? Are they good at it? If not, help them nail that down. That'll get you wet — fast.
9. Bec, 27
Don't be so quick to assume it's just a physical thing. Maybe there is a mental blockage going on between you and your partner, not that there's anything wrong with that. From personal experience, I know that sometimes you just can't get wet sometimes because you don't feel interested enough in the person. Maybe try to get to know them more or if you're in a relationship, rekindle the fire somehow emotionally.