We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto today's topic: fun and easy moves to seduce your partner.
Q: My partner and I have been together for a few years, and like a lot of other couples, we’ve gotten a bit lazy about how we initiate sex with each other. One of us usually rolls over in bed and tries to give the other one "the look". It’s pretty sad! Do you have any ideas for creative ways to seduce your partner? I don’t want to get too serious about it (we’re both pretty goofy people in general), but I do want us to make more of an effort with each other.
A; Thanks for the question! Yep, you’re absolutely right, so many of us stop putting in much effort when we’re in long-term relationships. We all remember how much fun it was to be playful and saucy with each other, but we just stop trying. Fortunately, there are plenty of creative ways to up your initiation game. Here are 18 fun and seductive ways to initiate sex with your partner.
1. Putting On A Show
If the two of you live alone, go into your bedroom and climb on top of your bed. Start masturbating with your hand or a toy (you can get totally naked or keep some clothes on). Innocently ask your partner to come into the bedroom to help you out with something.
2. The Greeting
Send your partner out to run an errand, like getting the mail or picking up something from the grocery store, and tell them to get back quickly. Stand in the hallway naked or in lingerie. If you’re worried about the neighbors catching a peek, wait in your living room.
3. The Long Game
After you or your partner leaves in the morning, send them a text telling them what you want to do to them (or what you want them to do to you) when you both get back home. If you or your partner go out of town for a few days, draw the game out even longer and taunt each other throughout the whole trip.
4. The Fishbowl
On small slips of paper, write down at least 10 of your favorite things to do in the bedroom together. Fold them all up, put them in a bowl, and pick one at random. Whatever you pick is what you have to do in that moment!
5. The Tease
Start making out with or groping your partner in a moment where you can’t go any further, like in an elevator, parking garage, or at the movies. Right when things are getting hot and heavy, stop and innocently pretend to go back to whatever you were doing.
6. The Naughty Masseuse
Offer to give your partner a massage. Set it up as professionally as you can; have them get naked and drape a sheet or blanket over their body. Stick with the standard moves for a while, then slowly start to inch your way under the sheet for a happy ending.
7. The Present
Send your partner a sex toy in the mail, or bring a wrapped one home with you and leave it on the table. Include a note that says, “can’t wait to try this out together sometime soon.”
8. The Commando
This is a classic for a reason. When you and your partner are out at dinner, at a movie, or at a friend’s house, text them and tell them that you’re not wearing any underwear. Don't say anything else.
9. The Competition
Watch porn together or read erotica out loud to each other. See which one of you can hold out the longest before pouncing on the other.
10. The Lunch Break
Send your partner a text or email and ask them to meet you at home for a quickie during your lunch break. Even if you just get 15 minutes together, see how much fun you can have. If they can’t get away that day, set a date for a future afternoon rendezvous.
11. The Song
Pick a song that means, “let’s have sex.” It can be a sexy song that turns you on, or something that’s a silly inside joke between the two of you. Whenever one of you puts on the song (or you happen to randomly hear it), you know what’s up!
12. The Quickie
If you and your partner don’t get to spend a lot of time together, take advantage of the moments that you do have free. Text your partner, “I’ve got 30 minutes free right now. Come over?” Or plan ahead so you have something to look forward to.
13. The Soapy Surprise
Ask your partner to join you in the shower or the bath. Or get in on your own, then call out to your partner and ask them to help you soap up those hard-to-reach spots.
14. The Bet
Make a bet on something — a sports game, a trivia question, a prediction for the future, or a board game. The winner gets to boss the loser around in the bedroom, or gets to pick something fun to try out together.
15. The Signal
Agree on a nonverbal signal that means you want to have sex. Something like pulling on your right ear, tapping your nose, or rubbing your knee. Make sure it’s not something you normally do. Try using it in moments where it’s easy for you to have sex (like when you’re both at home alone), and in moments where it’s trickier (like when you’re out grocery shopping)
16. The Remember When
Reminisce about your favorite sexual memories with your partner. When you’re just sitting around doing nothing, say something like, “remember that trip we took to Mexico? And what we did out on the balcony of our hotel room?”
17. The Dealer’s Choice
Ask your partner to pick something out of your lingerie drawer for you to wear, and promise you’ll put on whatever they choose.
18. The Undercover Surprise
Tell your partner you’re tired and going to get into bed early. Go into your bedroom alone, take off all your clothes, and get into bed naked. Then send your partner a text asking them to come give you an extra special tuck-in.
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