Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man is swinging back into theaters next month for this first time in... well, OK, it's only been two years since The Amazing Spider-Man 2, but this Spidey promises to be different. Tom Holland's incarnation, making is first appearance in Captain America: Civil War, marks the first live action crack at the character by Marvel Studios, so fans are optimistic that Marvel's flagship character will finally get the treatment he deserves on the big screen. And that's important, because Spider-Man has said some insane things in his numerous other movie and TV appearances.
There have been three live action movies starring Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker, and then another two starring Andrew Garfield in the role. None have truly captured the essence of the character though, who in his most classic form is a wisecracking teenager, but Holland's take looks like it's going to come close. There have also been countless Spider-Man animated series going back decades, with perhaps the most memorable being the first: 1967's Spider-Man. That series has become a modern internet phenomenon thanks to the ridiculous scenes and imagery that have been memed and gif'd to death, and wouldn't you know it, the show produced some pretty great quotes, too. So take a look at these 13 insane things Spider-Man has said in movies and TV shows.
1. "Where do all these guys come from?" — Spider-Man 3
Spidey says this after fighting Sandman. Keep in mind, this is coming from a guy who climbs walls and shoots webs and who got his powers after being bitten by a radioactive spider. Why is he so shocked that Sandman exists?
2. "It rides up in the crotch a little bit." — Spider-Man 2
Hey, Spidey, I don't think we need to hear how creepy-crawly your suit is.
3. "Go make me some!" — Spider-Man 3
Weird emo Peter Parker tells his too-friendly neighbor to make him some cookies with nuts in them when she only has nutless cookies. Hey Parker, why don't you make them yourself?
4. "I’d love to shoot you some time." — Spider-Man 3
Another quote by emo Spidey, this time creepily telling Elizabeth Banks he wants to photograph her.
5. "Maybe I should keep an eye on her... spider style." — Spider-Man (1994)
Yet another creepy move, this time by animated Spidey as he's stalking Black Cat. And what does spider style even mean?
6. "Just once a day, sometimes. Sometimes more." — The Amazing Spider-Man 2
Garfield's Parker could be a creeper as well, since this is his reply to Gwen Stacy's question regarding how often he's been following her since they broke up.
7. "Guys, the goblin’s planning to change everybody into ugly little green goblins!" — Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends
First of all, this animated version of Spidey makes Green Goblin's horrifying plan of transforming New Yorkers into actual goblins sound hilarious, and second of all, I love that he feels he describes the goblins as "ugly". Like it'd be OK if they were cute little goblins.
8. "I’d like to help, but I’m collecting rhinos today." — Spider-Man (1967)
The rest of this list is all from the '60s cartoon, because it's just that good. Here, Spider-Man is describing his attempt at catching The Rhino in the weirdest way possible.
9. "Even when you’re visible, I can’t see your kind." — Spider-Man (1967)
Spidey tries to come up with a badass comeback here after Mysterio disappears and remarks that Spider-Man can't see him. Too bad his reply makes zero sense. Why wouldn't he be able to see him when he's visible? And how does that benefit him?
10. "Ouch, something bit me! Oh, it’s just a spider." — Spider-Man (1967)
OK, that is not a normal reaction to being bitten by a giant spider.
11. "No one’s gonna knock down bank doors while I’m around — loud noises interrupt my sleep!" — Spider-Man (1967)
I can't tell if this is a bad joke, or if Spidey just has the worst motivations ever for fighting crime.
12. "Lizard man, boy would I like to tackle a character like that." — Spider-Man (1967)
Interesting fetish — not judging.
13. "I always say the first step in fighting a lizard is to get advice from an authority!" — Spider-Man (1967)
How much time does Spidey spend fighting lizards that he actually has a process in how to go about doing it? A process that he's done so much that he has little slogans that go with it?
On second thought, I'm not that excited for Tom Holland's Spider-Man... I just want the '60s cartoon to make a comeback!
Images: Sony Pictures; giphy.com