It’s the one thing every television fan hates: Spoilers. And in today’s world, where more and more people are watching television through streaming services, spoilers are sort of a way of life. But thankfully for all of us who don’t live and die by live TV, there are a number of ways to avoid spoilers if you missed an episode of your favorite show. Technology may make us more likely to come across spoilers these days, but it has also come up with a number of solutions to the spoilers problem. Because nothing can ruin my day faster than scrolling through Twitter to find someone that I went to college live-tweeting the Game of Thrones premiere.
Hi, day? You’ve been officially ruined.
But do not fret, friends. There are actually a number of legitimate ways to avoid spoilers altogether, whether you watch the day after your favorite show premiered or a week later. Some of these options require a bit more… dedication than some of the others, but no matter which one from this list you choose to employ, you can count on an entire day, week, month, or season of spoiler-free TV-watching. I promise.
1. Call Your Internet Provider And Have Them Cut Service
Guess what? You’ll save a ton of money each month by doing this. But if your internet and cable happened to be bundled together, be careful. You may just cut off your nose to spite your face.
2. Call In Sick To Work, Stay Home, Keep The Curtains Drawn, And Do Not Face The World
They’re all a bunch of spoiler-spouting jerks anyway.
3. Sign Up For Spoilerfoiler.com On Netflix
This one is a bit more manageable for those of you who can’t watch your favorite shows live. All it takes is logging into your Netflix account and viewing your Twitter feed through the filtered website.
4. Set Your Phone To Airplane Mode
Sure, you’ll miss calls and emails and texts this way, but who hasn’t wanted to throw their phone across the room when their mother calls to talk about the fate of Jon Snow hours before you’ve seen the episode?
5. Delete All Of Your Social Media Apps
This sounds drastic, but I actually did this ages ago. It will force you to more actively seek out updates on your computer and prevent you from aimlessly scrolling through the spoiler-ridden feeds as you wait in line or commute to work.
This amazing app not only lets you follow tweets you love, you can also block out tweets and accounts with certain keywords. Hallelujah!
7. Lock Your Phone And Computer In A Vault Until You Can Watch
You can find them for sale just about anywhere, but here are some fancy ones that might help.
8. Build A Bunker, 10 Cloverfield Lane-Style
Definitely the most drastic of options, but if you bury it deep enough in the earth, you won’t even get cell phone service. Problem solved.
9. Download An Internet-Blocking App Like Self Control
This will come in handy when you have to be productive and when you’re trying to avoid spoilers. Add certain websites to your “blacklist” and the app won’t let you access them until the timer runs out. I recommend setting the timer to exactly how long you have to wait to watch the next episode.
10. Watch TV Live
Remember the ‘90s? TV used to be a social event, the entire world tuning it at the same time to watch a show and then talking about it all day the next day. It was a different world, but returning to that old school way of watching may be useful when it comes to the most popular shows on television.
11. Get Crafty
Get some foam board, some washable paint, and make yourself a sandwich board to wear, declaring which favorite show of yours you haven’t yet seen.
12. Adjust Your Social Media Settings
Did you know you can filter out posts with certain words in them on Twitter and on Facebook? According to the Daily Dot, there are simple ways to fine-tune your social media experience. This will also come in handy during the election season.
13. Tumblr Savior
Create a blacklist of words and tags that you do not want to see pop up in your Tumblr and surf without perpetual fear of plots being ruined.
14. Switch Careers Entirely
Imagine all the details you’d get if you worked on your favorite shows to begin with. This is a simple way to know what’s coming on your favorite television shows long before anyone else does. If you think uprooting your entire life and career plan is simple.
15. Befriend A Higher Up In Hollywood
Easier said than done. I’m still working on making Lauren Graham my best friend after 16 years of sending her daily fan mail. I may need to try a different approach.
16. Stop Watching Television All Together
I mean, it’s an option. Not one that I would want to ever consider realistically, but if spoilers are making you so angry that you’d consider enacting these punishments that the Game of Thrones cast suggest, you may want to suggest cutting yourself off entirely.
So good luck, TV lovers. And may the anti-spoiler force be with you.
Image: HBO; Giphy (15)