Fact: there is no greater food in all the world than pizza. Another fact, at least according to me: the best movie genre is the teen movie genre. These two pillars of our society have always been destined to meet and what better way for them to get acquainted than by letting your favorite pizza topping decide what teen movie you should watch. Trust me, this will be a highly scientific process based on each teen movie's individual personality and how it corresponds with the topping in question.
I know I am not the only person who has been noshing on a delicious piece of pizza and wondered what movie would complement it best. Pizza and movies go together like wine and cheese, so of course there are natural pairings. Go ahead and start focusing on your one true pizza topping love now, because I will be covering all the toppings from cheese to anchovies (no, I am not leaving out fans of tiny fish, and I promise to refrain from pairing you with From Justin to Kelly).
Your taste in pizza toppings is about to lead you to the teen movie night of your dreams. If you want to go ahead and start dialing your favorite pizza place now, this is a judgment free zone.
Cheese: The Breakfast Club (1985)
As a cheese lover, you go for the tried and true. Pizza and cheese have been together since pizza became a thing, and you are looking for a teen movie as stalwart as your favorite topping. There is just one teen movie you can never go wrong with and that movie is the almost universally beloved classic The Breakfast Club. The iconic John Hughes film has stood the test of time and proven itself worthy of the love of cheese aficionados everywhere.
Pepperoni: Mean Girls (2004)
Pepperoni fans like a little spice in their lives, and there is no teen movie quite as spicy as Mean Girls. The quippy lines, the high school power struggles, and Lindsay Lohan in her prime all make this movie every bit as delectable as a carefully seasoned slice of high quality pepperoni.
Onions: Cruel Intentions (1999)
You want your pizza to have bite. If you cannot live without the intense flavor of onions on your slice, then Cruel Intentions is the teen movie of your dreams. The dark and seedy world of wealthy New York City teens is shocking and enticing in equal measures. Plus, Kathryn is there being the most brutally honest mean girl in history.
Mushrooms: The Perks Of Being A Wallflower (2012)
Mushrooms are a divisive pizza topping. Not everyone enjoys the meaty, complexity of the flavor, but those who do go absolutely bananas for them. The Perks of Being a Wallflower is very much the mushroom of the teen movie world. It's a moody, Romantic (yes, with a capital "r") story of the bittersweet nature of being a teen. If you are looking for a movie as contemplative as your high end mushroom pizza, then Charlie's journey will enthrall you.
Pineapple: Never Been Kissed (1999)
You are a quirky kind of person who deserves a movie that is just as lovably eccentric as you are. Allow me to introduce you to Never Been Kissed, the story of Josie, a journalist who goes undercover at her old high school and falls for the sexy new English teacher. I promise Josie is every bit as sweet and fun as the pineapple flavor you adore.
Sausage: Whip It (2009)
Sausage is a bold topping choice. It's not unusual, but when you go for sausage on your pizza it is going to dominate everything around it. Whip It leaves an equally strong impression. Any movie about the roller derby is by necessity going to be a rough and tumble experience, and Whip It does not disappoint.
Olives: 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
Clearly, you like toppings that make a statement. All of you olive lovers need to sit back and watch the romance between Kat and Patrick. The way they banter, bond, and break each other's hearts is mature for a teen movie and full of real emotion. Their love is very much like an olive, a bit abrasive, but oh so delicious.
Spinach: Pleasantville (1998)
If you are putting spinach on your pizza, clearly you want to at least feel like you are eating something that is good for you. The movie equivalent to your favorite topping is Pleasantville, which stars teens, but has way more going on than your typical teen movie narrative.
Bacon: Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)
When you eat pizza, you go all in. You are clearly a person who does exactly what they want and you don't care what anyone else thinks. You are practically Ferris already, so you might as well queue up the movie and indulge in your delicious pizza with a side of young Matthew Broderick being awesome.
Sun Dried Tomatoes: Clueless (1995)
There is something inherently sophisticated about sun dried tomatoes. They have a deep, delicious flavor that works to enhance everything around them. Personally, I feel they are the building blocks of the perfect pizza. Likewise, Clueless is the definitive teen film. A classic that some people dismiss as silly even though it changed the way an entire generation of teens spoke. Cher is every bit as classy as sun dried tomatoes, and Clueless deserves to be enjoyed alongside quality pizza.
Anchovies: Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (2010)
Anyone who enjoys eating salty fish on their pizza is clearly an interesting person with eclectic tastes. Nothing is going to go with anchovies quite as perfectly as the mesmerizing, eccentric story of Scott Pilgrim and his quest to win the heart of Ramona. These are two unique flavors that were destined to be together.
If you are now craving pizza and a teen movie marathon, my work here is done.
Images: Columbia Pictures; Giphy (11)