Everyone is wondering what is going to happen on this week's two new Bachelor episodes. What's going to "shock America?" What's going to happen in the fantasy suite? Is another woman going to ditch Juan Pablo? It can be fun to try to predict what's going to happen on The Bachelor, but it's a lot easier to predict what won't happen. Chris Harrison can claim the episodes are going to include the craziest things we've ever seen — Like, ever. In our entire lives — but that doesn't mean anything is possible.
Here are ten things that won't happen on the new Bachelor episodes.
1. The Hometown Dates Won't Not Include A Crazy Family Member
The use of a double negative is necessary here because someone always has a weird family member who asks too many questions or is too invasive in some way. On last season's Bachelorette, this family member was a chiropractor dad who found it appropriate to work his magic on Desiree after dinner.
2. The Hometown Dates Won't Go Without An "Are You Sure?" Conversation
Someone's brother or mother or step-cousin will be concerned about them finding love on a television show. This person will come off as surprisingly down-to-earth although they shouldn't because this is the only logical opinion to have.
3. Juan Pablo Won't Understand Certain English Words
This happens every week.
4. Clare Won't Remain Calm
Clare is incapable of not getting stressed about something for an entire episode. On the hometown date she'll be worried about the impression her family makes on Juan Pablo. On the fantasy suite date she'll be concerned about Nikki who won't even be there.
5. Sharleen Won't Come Back
While watching The Bachelorette, I was convinced that Brooks would come back after he broke Desiree's heart. He didn't and Sharleen won't either.
6. The Fantasy Suite Invitations Won't Not Be Awkward
Giving someone a card asking if they'll accompany you to a hotel room in agreement that you're almost certainly going there to have sex will never not be awkward.
7. The Fantasy Suite Details Won't Be Clear
If this show is good at anything, it's at being vague when it comes to details about sexual experiences. (See: Clare and Juan Pablo possible ocean sex.) We are probably going to watch Juan Pablo and Andi talk about the fantasy suite for 20 minutes and still not know exactly what happened.
8. One Woman Won't Be In The Loop
In the preview for the upcoming episodes, all of the women are shown crying. We have guessed that Andi is the one that's going to ditch Juan Pablo because of something he tells her about his experience with another woman in the fantasy suite (who knows?!), but even though all the women are crying, they probably won't all find out about this. They aren't living in the same house at this point, so someone is definitely crying about something completely different.
9. Juan Pablo Won't Apologize Appropriately
Juan Pablo obviously is going to hurt some feelings on these episodes, but if history is any indication (See: Apology for insensitive gay comments and apology to Clare), Juan Pablo will not pull of his apology with any aplomb.
10. All Of The Women Won't Leave
They should. They should all leave. That would be amazing. Juan Pablo hasn't treated some of them well already and upsets at least one more of them on the upcoming episodes, but there are still going to be a couple of them heading into the season finale.