I wasn’t sure I would ever love one of Patricia’s party themes more than I loved the soirée that was inspired by inflatable flamingo pool toys, but boy did the latest hour of Southern Charm set me straight! That tongue-in-cheek marzipan male chauvinist pig-themed dinner party gave the blowup flamingo gala a run for its money. It wasn't as extravagant as the 144 inflatable flamingo garden party, but the drama that transpired was just as, if not more, tense than the T-Rav vs. Snowden spat. And it's all thanks to a chunk of marzipan.
At the end of Monday’s episode, Patricia invited Whitney, Thomas, Craig, Shep, JD, and some other gents over for dinner to celebrate the birth of St. Julien Rembert Ravenel. As the guests made their way to their dining room, Patricia pointed out the blue and white china arranged oh-so perfectly atop the dinner table and explained that it was in honor of T-Rav’s newborn son. And then, she gestured to the marzipan piglet figurines perched next to each place setting. She told the guests that she didn't want anyone to feel "left out" by the decor, so she sprinkled the table with marzipan "male chauvinist pigs." Everyone had a good laugh, Shep took a bite of one of the confections, and the conversation subject changed. Little did anyone know that later on, one of those marzipan male chauvinist pigs would do something so many pigs only dream about: it would fly.
As the party moved from the dining room to the living room (er, is it called a salon? A study? A drawing room? A parlor? A parlour?) after the meal, Craig picked up a piece of marzipan pig and playfully chucked it at Shep. Shep fumbled the pass. The marzipan pig did not land on the floor.
The marzipan male chauvinist pig wound up on the train of the gracious host's dress. I felt my entire body go numb.
Uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh Patricia won't like this uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh she just got through telling y'all to watch out for her train uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh someone better tell Michael to keep the martinis coming uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh can she sense the marzipan pig uh oh uh oh uh oh can she sense something is amiss uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh will she kick Craig out of the house over this uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh or will she realize it was nothing more than a silly accident uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh this is the most stressed out I've been all season uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh I'm not a martini gal but I feel like I need one uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh why isn't someone doing something uh oh uh—
Oh, whew. Before his mother realized what had happened, Whitney scooped up the marzipan male chauvinist pig and chided Craig. Crisis averted.
It flew. It saw. It conquered.
Images: Brianna Stello/Bravo; Bravo (4)