How Do I Know If I’m Settling In A Relationship? 8 Signs To Look Out For
Although evolutionary science says that settling in a relationship may be a good idea, any hopeful romantic will tell you that’s no way to live. From the standpoint of evolution, jumping at what you can get isn’t just safe but is the reason that our species has lasted so long. How completely depressing to think that you and I are here today because of thousands of years of settling — it’s enough to break your heart.
While settling might be fine for some and definitely fine for our caveman ancestors in a time where the comprehension of love had yet to be realized, today wanting more and making sure you get that more isn’t a bad thing at all. No one wants to wake up at 60 and realize they settled for the last 35 years of their life. If we can live in a world with top-notch technology, then we can certainly live in a world with top-notch relationships, too. At least that's my rationale.
Since we do live in a world where settling is, sadly, more common than not because society has told us being single is even worse — eye roll — there’s a chance that you could be settling in your relationship right now. I knew in a past relationship I was settling when I realized that if my partner cheated on me, I wouldn’t care. In fact, I almost welcomed it so he’d leave me alone. Thoughts like this may signify that it may be time to figure out whether you're in the right relationship. So how can you tell? With these eight things right here.
1. You Think A Lot About Ways Your Partner Should Change
While human beings, all of them, are far from perfect, when you’re with someone who's good for you, you won't try to change them. So if you’re sitting around staring at your partner asking over and over in your head, “Why can’t they just do this or that better and different?” Then I’d say that’s pretty big sign you're settling for someone who may not be the best fit.
2. You Compare Your Relationship To The Ones In Your Past
When you're settling, you're more likely to look at the past fondly and wonder how you can get what you have now to that place. But no; you can’t have the relationship you had at 25 with your ex be the same as the one you have now at 30 with a totally different person. That’s not how life works. It may be time to think about whether your current partner is a good fit.
3. You Constantly Catch Yourself Thinking About Other People
It’s not just that you think about other people in a general sense, but you think about how your relationship with them might be compared to the one you have with your partner. You wonder if that person has it more together, are less annoying, and are just overall better.
4. You Don’t Feel Bad About Ditching Your Partner For Better Plans
It’s this thinking of, “Well, I’m with them enough, can’t I just get a break?” Yes, you can, but it’s that feeling of resentment toward them because you see them as interfering with your life that’s a dead giveaway that you’re settling.
5. Their Support Feels Like Smothering
Although support is an important aspect of any relationship, when you’re settling, that support can feel like you’re being smothered. Them asking you about your day or being your cheerleader when you’re about to do something big isn’t seen as support, but more like they won’t get out of your face and you really wish they would.
6. You Makes Excuses For Why You’re With Them
If you find yourself trying to justify why you’re in the relationship, then you may be settling. Because if you weren’t settling, you wouldn’t feel the need to make excuses to yourself or anyone else as to why you’re with your partner. When people make excuses or try to justify things, it’s usually because they’re embarrassed.
7. You’d Break Up But You Don't Want To Be Alone
If you know this to be a true, in your heart of hearts, then something is up. Yes, we may live in a society where being single gets a bad rap, but seriously, isn’t life too short? (I think we all know the answer to that.)
8. You’ve Asked Yourself, ‘Am I Settling?’
If it often crosses your mind that you're settling, it may be worth re-thinking the relationship