6 Things Feminists Think Are Worth Breaking Up With Someone Over
Breakups are rarely easy. But sometimes, they're necessary. Unfortunately, you can love someone more than anything in the world, but love isn't always enough — especially if your significant other doesn't share your values. That's why there are quite a few things feminists think are worth breaking up over. When your partner doesn't support a movement that's near and dear to your heart, it becomes hard to stay with them, even when you two have a history and love each other to pieces.
I know firsthand that breaking up with someone who doesn't share your politics or values isn't easy. I've stayed in relationships with several non-feminists, quasi-feminists, and even anti-feminists because they had so many other qualities I liked, and I wanted to believe they could change. But people usually don't change — not unless they really want to. While it is possible to help a partner who's looking to change along on that journey, it's not really possible to get them to want to change in the first place.
Here are a few things feminists think are worth breaking up over, sad as it may be, because once you get over that difficult hurdle, a better match will be waiting for you:
1. An Anti-Choice Stance
Part of feminism is supporting the right of people with uteruses to do what they want with their bodies, including end a pregnancy. When the person who could get you pregnant doesn't support this, your disagreement could not only lead to a very difficult situation if you do have an unwanted pregnancy but also reflect a lack of respect for your autonomy.
It doesn't feel good to be pigeonholed by anyone, especially the person who's supposed to know you best. If somebody is viewing you a certain way because of your gender, it's going to be difficult to have an honest relationship with them. If, for example, they view you as more emotional because you're a woman, you're going to be constantly feeling pressure to prove how rational you are. You deserve to be seen for who you are, not for what a stereotype makes you out to be.
3. Sexual Coercion
Sexual coercion is any type of sexual conduct that doesn't involve affirmative, clear consent. It can be verbal or physical. It's often overlooked as typical behavior, especially for men, but it's not. You should never feel pressured or guilted into sex. It should be equally wanted by both parties.
4. Negative Views On Feminism
It's not fun to hear negative things about a group you belong to. Even if your partner says they're "only against the radical feminists" or that "you're the exception," if they're against certain kinds of feminists, they're probably against feminism in general. If your partner doesn't want to identify as a feminist (which may be a deal breaker right there — see below), they should at least respect what you are.
5. Not Being A Feminist
I've been criticized for holding this view myself, but you're allowed to only date feminists, and it can save you a lot time dating sexists — which is the alternative. You're either a feminist or a sexist, so if you're partner won't align themselves with feminism, you have to ask yourself what parts of the movement they object to: the wage equality part? The political representation part? The part where you two are equals? I would rather be alone than deal with someone who doesn't want to promote gender equality.
6. Negative Views On Any Group
Feminists don't tolerate oppression of any group, whether that's women, racial minorities, LGBT people, or anyone. Even if a partner does not express negative views toward women in particular, any negative view expressed toward any group is inherently anti-feminist and hurts everyone.