People come to all kinds of ridiculous conclusions about people every day of the week (and twice on Sunday, as the expression goes), but that is just downright unfair. One of the most unfair assumptions people like to make involves myths about happy singles. Though it may be difficult to believe that your BFF is really, truly, deeply happy being single, believe it: If she seems happy, she probably is.
Yes, people do fake it sometimes — it can be difficult to be single, and there are plenty of people who are less than thrilled about it — but oftentimes, people actually find it rather awesome to be single. You are footloose and fancy free, and you can focus on yourself or book a trip to Rome or work until 1 a.m. without worrying that you're flaking on plans with your partner. Of course, the single life isn't for everyone — but one thing is for sure: Pretty much everyone, at one time or another, will be single in their life, and it's entirely possible that they'll be totally happy while it's happening.
Here are nine misconceptions people often have about single friends — because independent women wake up happy and take care of themselves.
1. They Aren't Truly Happy
A common misconception is that happy singles are "fooling themselves," certified relationship coach Rosalind Sedacca tells Bustle. "They put on airs about being happy but deep inside they are hurt, frustrated or embarrassed." Not so, she says — in fact, far from reality. But this isn't everyone's experience, so it can be doubted.
"The truth is, singles who can't imagine life without a partner can't conceive of being at peace without one," Sedacca says. "However, happy, self-confident singles love and value themselves whether in a relationship or not. They like being who they are and enjoy their own company — a great state of mind to be in," she says. I think so!
2. They're Uncomfortable With Their Sexuality
"They aren't comfortable with their sexuality," life coach Kali Rogers tells Bustle. "I hear this one all the time. There are many people who choose to be single because they enjoy the lifestyle. This does not mean that they haven't 'come out' yet, or that they 'don't understand' their sexuality," Rogers says. "Not only is this misconception extremely offensive to the individual and the LGTBQ community, but it's an aggressive and careless method of jumping to conclusions." If someone is happily single, they're happily single — end of story.
3. They Never Want To Get Married
Though someone might be happy and single, it doesn't necessarily mean that they've closed the door on being in a relationship ever again. Really, it just means … that they're happily single, no more, no less, as Rogers said. "Being single is something that may be right for the moment," Stefanie Safran, Chicago's "Introductionista" and founder of Stef and the City, tells Bustle, but it doesn't have to mean that this is a lifestyle that they want forever. In the interim, it works — and that is a good thing.
4. They Have Personality Disorders
"They are anti-social," Tina B. Tessina, aka Dr. Romance, psychotherapist and author of How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together, tells Bustle. Just because you aren't in a relationship doesn't mean that you never like to hang out with anyone. Another common misconception: People who are happily single are immature, Tessina adds — again, not so. And the idea that people who are content being single "don’t care about other people, except as sources for their own gratification," Tessina says. Nope, nope, nope.
5. It's Impossible To Be Happily Single
Often, people think people can't be happy without a partner to "complete them," dating expert Noah Van Hochman tells Bustle. "Nonsense! A single woman today isn’t alone because she isn’t attractive or limited in other areas such as personality — she is single only because the right [person] for her has not yet been introduced." In the meantime, there is no reason to sit around and mope.
"She may also prefer the single life at this point in her life, rather than settle for less than she feels is deserved," he says. "Her career may be currently more important than being tied to another person, and she would rather enjoy life without the restrictions of being in a relationship." Whatever the case may be, there's no reason to assume that someone who isn't in a relationship is depressed or unhappy.
6. They're After Your Partner
"Happily single people are not sex-crazed maniacs attempting to steal your man [or woman], nor are they trying to sabotage your relationship so that you become single to go bar-hopping with them," relationship coach and psychic medium Melinda Carver tells Bustle. If you have a single friend, it's unfair to figure that she is going to make a pass at your partner just because she doesn't have someone she's dating at the moment.
If your single friend wants to hang out with you and your partner, she wants to see you guys — not hit on your mate.
7. They're Less Happy Than They Think They Are
"People don't believe that people can be happy being single, but nothing can be further from the truth," psychologist Nikki Martinez tells Bustle. "They have no one to answer to, they come and go as they please, they do activities that someone else might hate, and they have time to nurture their interests and the other relationships in their life as they might not should they be involved in a relationship."
In other words, single people are often happy as clams, if they're in the right headspace about it. If your pal is single and seems to be living the life, she probably is — and it's worth being happy for her, not suspicious of her happiness.
8. They Want To Be Single Forever
"A misconception about happy singles is that they want to remain happy singles," New York–based relationship expert and author April Masini tells Bustle. Like Safran said, Masini points out that women who are single may very well desire a relationship someday — but they aren't about to settle or be upset over their status.
"Many happy singles would like to be coupled, but they’re OK being single," Masini says. Happy singles find things to be happy about — no matter what.
9. They Don't Want To Be Set Up
"Just because you're making the most of being single — and just because you don't whine, bitch, and complain about being without a partner — doesn't mean that you don't want one," relationship coach and psychic medium Cindi Sansone-Braff, author of Why Good People Can't Leave Bad Relationships , tells Bustle. So if you have a great person for your friend, and you have your friend's blessing, feel free to hook a sister up.
In the meantime, don't jump to conclusions if a pal seems to be livin' la vida loca single, because she probably is.
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