I know what you're thinking: who needs a list of reasons to date a writer? Surely everyone already knows that writers are the sexiest and most responsible fish in the dating sea? Well, I don't want to shock you, but there are some people out there who think that writers are not the ideal mate. So just in case you ever need to justify a writer's dateability, here are some rock solid reasons to date a writer.
After all, society needs writers. Without writers, you'd have to go and do that thing you're procrastinating on right now, instead of reading this article! And writers need to date people, so they can have cataclysmic break ups and fuel their next poetry chapbook. But if you're on the fence about your new creative beau, you should know that there's plenty in in for you, too. Writers know all the best coffee shops, and which brand of pens will last the longest. They are accomplished at staying in bed all day and turning instant ramen into something eatable. And their desperate need for approval translates into sexual overcompensation. It's a win/win!
If that's not enough to make you run out and find your own aspiring author today, here are a few more reasons to romantically entrap a writer:
1. They can write you things
Don't think of it as your significant other stealing personal details of your life and publishing them on the internet in a candid article about your relationship. Think of it as your significant other borrowing personal details of your life! Like, as an homage to you. Either way, they'll probably make it up for it with a very sweet love letter and/or a letter-length text message to you.
2. They are good at lying
Writers lie for a living... sort of. You may think of lying as a negative attribute for your partner to have, but really, you want to date someone who can lie when it counts. They should be able to hide surprise parties from you, and to keep a straight face when you show them pictures of that new haircut you want to get. And they won't lie about the big things, because their instinct to write a tell-all blog post is simply too strong.
3. They are inexpensive and easily tricked
Writers don't need fancy jewelry, because they only wear pajamas or silk dressing gowns. You can easily trick them into thinking that blank journals, bookmarks, and nice pens are acceptable anniversary gifts. And, since most writers are unburdened by wealth, they'll be thrilled when you buy them a cup of coffee or bottle of drug store sangria. In return, they will shower you with homemade gifts and maybe even let you win at Scrabble once in a while.
4. They are easy to stalk online
Most writers have one or two (or 50) samples of their writing lurking somewhere out there in the dark recesses of the internet. It's not hard to track down their blog from middle school, or the poetry they wrote in their freshman seminar, or the web series they scripted last summer. I'm not saying that blackmail should be a part of any healthy relationship... I'm just saying that you have options, should the need arise.
5. They will support all your questionable life decisions
When you start dating a writer, you have a guaranteed cheerleader for any cockamamie scheme you can think of. They will support all of your creative endeavors. They will never suggest that you "get a REAL job" or give up your dreams for them. And they understand that failure is a normal part of life. They'll always help you get back up again, and find a new artsy passion to waste all your money on.
6. They are “good” at communicating
Well... it really depends on your definition of "communicating." But if you're interested in lengthy text messages at all hours of the day and night, endless monologues, and literary debates, your S.O. has got you covered. A lot of writers can be shy out in public (since they are unaccustomed to sunlight and other people), but once you get them started on a subject they care about, there's no stopping them.
Any good writer is also a good reader, and reading is sexy. Plus, writers like to talk about what they're reading (and how old the author was when they got their first book deal). And they like to share their favorite authors with their favorite person (you). They'll also be more than willing to read your favorite books, so they can better flesh out that character they're basing on you.
8. They’re flexible
...I mean flexible in terms of jobs and scheduling. I can't vouch for any other kind of flexibility. Most writers are juggling a lot of different things (like writing plus a job that actually pays the bills), but they usually have some control over what they spend their time on, too. They can likely take off for a long lunch or pick up and move to Spain with you, depending on how much they like their day job.
9. They have a loose grasp on reality
If you have any degree of stability in your life, they'll think that you have it completely together. And when your parents visit, they'll make you look accomplished by comparison! But they'll also have plenty of creative ideas for stretching paychecks and making your own fun, no matter what you do for a living.
10. Even if you break up, you’ll have a couple of great stories
I don't endorse anyone calling their ex "crazy." But if you have some... spirited stories to tell about your ex, that's ok, as long as you tell them respectfully (and don't take it out on writers as a species). Not every writer relationship is built to last, but you're sure to walk away with a few great stories and some really angry poetry.
11. They are passionate
Writers have a lot of feelings. They need these feelings, to fuel personal essays and novels and experimental zines. But they usually have left over emotional energy to devote to romance, because writers are, above all, passionate. They're passionate about their work, about other writer's work, about food that can be prepared instantly with minimal cooking, and about the people they love. If you're lucky enough to fall for someone who writes, you can look forward to a whole lot of spine-tingling passion and genuine romance.
Images: OVAN/pexels, Giphy (12)