Like every Millennial, I grew up watching Mary Kate and Ashley movies. They were like my unofficial homeschool teachers. I wanted to do whatever they did. I wanted to go wherever they went. Their videos served as a microcosm of my fantasies about what life could be. I believed that if I followed their steps, I too could convince the world to spin around me as it seemed to do for them.
They traveled a lot, and for me, as a kid who never went anywhere (my mom thought a trip to the department store in a town over counted as a vacation), I became obsessed with going on trips. I dreamed of one today getting to go to London and Australia and The Atlantis in the Bahamas. I craved their adventures. I yearned for their experiences. On every birthday wish list there was an airfare request for tickets to a place they went in one of their videos.
And now, finally an adult with a job and means to take trips, I find myself still plagued by their influence. They encouraged me to grow up with the very narrow perspective of travel and what it means and what your expectations should be. They would show up somewhere and a world would unfold for them. I'm learning now that's not always the case. I'm here to say that Mary Kate and Ashely gave me seriously unrealistic expectations of travel, and I want to go back in time and lower those expectations. This is what they tricked me into believing:
That There Will Always Be A Hot Human In Your Hotel
Everywhere they go, they're bumping into beautiful humans who are single and attracted to them. In elevators, in lobbies, in the halls — there's always someone there ready to be their vacation lover.
That You Will Witness A Crime
No matter how fancy or backwoods the place is that they're in, they're always in the right place at the right time to witness a crime. It's usually a thrilling theft like grand larceny in a jewelry store.
That Your Hair Will Never Frizz
Their hair looks amazing throughout the whole trip. It doesn't matter that their blowdryers don't work because they forgot to bring converters, their hair lies straight and smooth through changing weathers and temperatures.
That You Will Always Have The Right Outfit
Despite the fact that they never know what kind of adventures they're going to get themselves into, they always have just the right outfit packed. They are able to anticipate any wardrobe challenge and always look cute.
That You Will Look Back On Your Day And See A Montage
They always do so many fun things that in retrospect, it has to play back in a music-themed montage — fast-paced adventure clips, edited together, one after the other. At the end of a traveling day for me, I barely remember what I did but if I remember anything it's how much time I spent lost or trying to get a good selfie.
That Someone Will Offer To Be Your Tour Guide
The twins teach you that all you have to do is stumble out of your hotel room with some transparent hair clips and a zig-zag part and a gorgeous and willing local will offer you a tour of the city. On real trips, you're lucky if you can get a tour guide that you pay to show you the whole city.
That You Will See All The National Monuments
Because in their movies, they have a B Roll camera crew, they're able to piece together a bunch of shots of the city's iconic buildings and monuments and make it look like you can see them all in a day. But in real life, most of these places are completely spread out, with dozens of miles between them. So you have to pick and chose which monuments are worth seeing — there's no way you'll get to them all.
That You Will Become A Local Hero
The twins always end up helping someone by accident or solving a mystery on every single trip they take. There's never a dull 90 minutes with them, really. They come to a town they've never been to and leave with life-long friends and accolades from the locals. On real trips, the locals can't wait for you to leave.
That Travel Will Be Stylish And Fast
The twins always find themselves being driven around in classic cars or on luxury motorbikes or boats. They never have to scramble for a stinky cab or a jam-packed train. They're never waiting in bus stations or getting lost ... unlike the rest of us, who spend 80 percent of any trip doing just that.
Images: Dualstar, Giphy