15 Weird Signs You Don't Like Someone As Much As You Think
At this point, most of us know some of the signs that someone just isn't that into you: they flake, they make you feel like you're not good enough, etc. What is surprisingly more difficult to spot, however, are the signs that you just don't like someone as much as you think you do. We can be our own biggest deceivers, and they say love is blind for a reason.
After having the harsh realization that my current relationship is literally the only relationship I've been fully into, I've been reflecting a bit on the more subtle signs I too often tried to ignore in my early and mid 20s, when I was dating people I was less compatible with. Many of the warning signs were small and subtle — but they were there every time, and if I had felt less guilty about respecting and listening to them, I might have had a bit more fun dating instead of holding onto relationships that I knew, in my gut, weren't working.
Of course, when it comes to these lessons, you can read all the articles you want, but there is often no way to go but through. Usually, we just have to learn these lessons for ourselves. But here are 15 weird signs you're just not as into it you can watch out for nonetheless.
1. A Haircut Or Facial Hair Change Makes A Big Difference
Sure, it's normal to have your preferences. But I once dated someone whom I ceased being genuinely attracted to when he shaved or grew his hair out too long. They say you shouldn't marry someone unless you could handle them bald and 15 pounds heavier. Well, I say you probably shouldn't be dating someone long-term if the length or their hair or beard makes a substantial difference in how you feel towards them. It just means your attraction isn't strong enough.
2. You Resent It When They Wear Certain Items Of Clothing
Similar to the item above, it's a sign you're just not that into them if a certain pair of shoes or jeans they own humiliates you or makes you feel angry at them. Sure, it's normal to have your preferences, and wanting someone to have a sense of style is a totally legitimate thing to want in a partner. But if they have an item or two they love and you hate them for wearing it — or you just resent their style in general — it's a sign you're just not into the way being with them represents you.
3. When You Look At Them Across The Room, You're Not Proud
One of the ways I knew I was fully into my relationship is that whenever I look at my partner from afar, my heart swells a little. I feel proud to be with him; I respect his intelligence in any conversation, and sometimes, I find him unbearably attractive just watching him sit and listen to someone. That's what you deserve to feel.
If you look at the person you're dating at a party and often feel resentful, embarrassed, or even just worried about what they're saying, you're not as into it as you think.
4. They Often Smell Bad To You
Attraction is all about scent, so if their breath frequently smells bad to you even when they practice good dental hygiene, it's another sign something about your chemistry is off. The same goes for armpits — if you're compatible, you should actually like the smell of their sweat.
5. You're Nervous Friends & Family Don't Think They're Good Enough For You, Even When They Say Otherwise
If you've been avoiding introducing them to your entire network, that's obviously a clear sign you're not that into it. A more subtle sign, however, is that even when you introduce your partner and your family and friends say they like them, you don't believe it. If you worry that your friends and family secretly don't think they're good enough for you, even if they say otherwise, you're probably projecting. It's you who thinks they're not good enough.
6. You're Insecure About Something You Were Never Insecure About Before
If someone makes you feel anything less than totally sexy, that's a problem. I was with a guy who didn't like going down on me much, and as a result, I started thinking there was something wrong with me, even though everyone before him had been a fan. If someone makes you feel like your pussy smells, or you're too fat, or not whatever-it-is enough, it means they aren't doing a good enough job of making you feel sexy. You deserve to feel like hot shit with anyone you're with. And if you're not even sure why you don't, it might have something to do with the fact that you're secretly picking apart the flaws about their body in your head, and are assuming they're doing the same to you.
7. You Qualify Sentences About The Future With 'If We're Together...'
I used to do this all the time. "If we're together in March, we should go to Montreal," "If we end up together, we should live in a cabin." Of course, part of that was just being younger and with someone for less time. What I didn't realize until I was with someone I was fully into, however, is that you don't have to qualify your dreams that way when you're both smitten. Love is always conditional, and nothing is ever for sure, but if you constantly feel the need to clarify that, you might be reminding yourself that you're not locked in.
8. You Feel Uncomfortable Making Eye Contact During Sex
Making eye contact during sex is difficult for most people. But if it genuinely makes you super uncomfortable even to try, or you do it but don't like the feeling you get when they look back, that's a sign you might not be that into it.
9. You Obsess Over Small Details With Your Friends
It's a truth I didn't want to admit for a long time, but I've seen it play out with me and my friends again and again: the more you're into it, the less you talk about it. If you are constantly obsessing and talking about them with friends — wondering if they're right for you, or what they're thinking, or what your friends think — it's a sign you might be looking for permission to leave, or are working too hard to rationalize the relationship to yourself. We should all talk to our friends, but if they're getting sick of hearing about your relationship, it's probably a sign that you're working too hard to stay in it.
10. You Often Don't Respect What They Say Before They Even Say It
This is a horrible feeling, but it's an important one to listen to. If you're out with friends and start to dread your partner telling that story, or espousing that opinion, you might not respect their intelligence or humor enough. Don't feel guilty about it — there's nothing inherently wrong with feeling that way. The thing that would be wrong is pretending otherwise, and leading someone on in the process.
11. You Feel Guilty For Wondering If They're Smart Or Good-Looking Enough For You
If you're wondering it, you probably already have decided they aren't — and are just feeling guilty about admitting it. Again, there's nothing inherently wrong about feeling this way. What's wrong is staying with someone when you feel this way, because even if you think you're hiding it well, trust me, they can feel it.
12. You Don't Care Enough To Get Upset
Obviously, always being angry is a clear sign that things aren't working. But if you never seem to really have a stake in a fight, that can also be a sign that you're just not that emotionally invested in the relationship.
I once dated someone I had "discussions" with all the time. Things never got too heated, and at first, I took this as a good sign. But as we kept ending up in the same "discussion," without any feeling of catharsis or change after it was over, I came to realize something was off. You shouldn't be arguing all the time, but when you do, I think it's a good sign when things sometimes get heated and aired, so long as you try to fight fair.
13. You've Made Them Into A Project
If you're focusing a ton of energy on helping them get their life together, you might think you're super in love and committed. But in fact, this is a sign that you aren't that into them. It means you're trying to change them because who they are now isn't good enough for you to remain with.
If you've made it your mission to help make them over, find a job, or get in shape — and the impetus and bulk of the effort is coming from you — that's a sign that you're not actually happy. It's a cliche because it's true: you really can't change someone. Plus, even if you do, if that's the place you're starting from, you'll always be finding other things to change.
14. You Get Annoyed At Them For Their Natural Pace
Before I met my partner, I tended to date guys who moved slower than me. Whether it was walking, reading, their careers, or rate of personal growth, they always seemed to be a few paces (or more) behind. At first, I thought that was good. I've always been ambitious and moved quickly, and I felt that being with someone slower might help balance me out.
Unfortunately, if you don't move at compatible speeds, it makes things very difficult to grow together. If you resent them for being "too slow" or pulling you along too fast, that's a warning sign to pay attention to.
15. You Clicked On This Article
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: your intuition is one smart bitch. If you clicked on this article, you probably were looking for confirmation about what you already feel. Trust your gut, and don't feel guilty for listening to it, ever.
Images: Pixabay; Giphy