9 Signs You Aren’t Meant To Have A Long-Term Relationship
Whether it’s because they’ve been burned in the past, have an overt amount of independence, or simply have a lack of interest, some people just aren't meant to have a long-term relationship. While society may have us believing that being coupled-up and, ideally, in a long-term relationship of some sort is the way to go, the reality is that it’s just not in the cards for some people — and that's totally OK. So what does that mean for those people?
"I would say it's important for people to give themselves permission to seek the kind of relationship they truly want, not what anyone else expects of them," dating coach Francesca Hogi tells Bustle. "We are societally conditioned to believe that we should all want long-term monogamy, but not everyone does."
But that doesn't mean that just because you're not meant for a long-term relationship now, that this will always be the case. "It is possible that at some point a person who previously didn't want commitment can shift towards wanting it," says Hogi.
So, if you can’t remember the last time you had a long-term relationship or even recall a moment in your life where it seemed like a good idea, know that you’re not alone. Here are the signs you’re just not meant to have a long-term relationship — at least not right now.
1. You Have A Hard Time Seeing A Future With Someone (Anyone For That Matter)
"[If] the idea of a long-term commitment with anyone makes you feel panicked or suffocated," says Hogi, then that's a pretty clear sign that you're probably not cut out for long-term relationships. Thinking about the future with someone — or anyone — shouldn't result in you breaking out in hives and hyperventilating.
2. You See Relationships As More Of A Burden Than A Blessing
Honestly, some people think relationships are a pain in the ass. And the more serious a relationship gets, the more difficult it becomes because that fun honeymoon phase fizzles, reality sets in, and you’re arguing about whose family you’ll be visiting during the holidays. To think that this is a burden, is totally fine; and to think it’s a burden you can do without is also totally fine — and a sign that a long-term relationship might not be for you.
3. You Cringe When You Hear How Long Others Have Been Together
I know a couple who has been together since high school. Both of them are currently 36 years old. So, basic math tells us they’ve been together for roughly 20 years. TWENTY YEARS. Every time I’m reminded of this fact, I start to get dizzy, woozy, and I question their sanity, in my head of course, so as not to seem judgmental, although I clearly am judging them. As Hogi explains, "When you see happy couples who've been together a long time, all you feel is sorry for them," is definitely a sign.
4. You’re Easily Bored With Situations
Although studies have found that being bored with your relationship can be a good thing, if you’re consistently getting bored with your partners, especially fairly early in the relationship, then you’re probably not meant for the long-term thing. There’s nothing wrong with getting bored; I mean, we all have just so much of an attention span we can spend on someone, but if it’s always happening and isn’t specific to one person then, well, you do the math.
5. You Have Issues With Compromise
You know what a long-term relationship is? Compromise, and lots of it. You don’t need to just compromise on the big things like what color to paint the bathroom, if you move in together, but you need to compromise on little things like what movie you’re going to watch tonight.
6. You Have An Innate Reaction To Bail When Things Get Tough
If you’ve seen Trainwreck, then you’ve witnessed not just Amy Schumer in all her glory, but a character who wants to run like hell whenever there’s even the slightest bump in the road. For people who can’t deal with conflict and resolution, bailing when things get tough is in their blood. It’s certainly hard to have something long-term if you can’t resolve the issues that come with being in a relationship.
7. Your Sexual Interests Lie Elsewhere
Whether you simply desire someone else or actually make a move on those desires in monogamous relationships, then that's a big sign an LTR may not be for you. While fantasies are relatively harmless, Hogi points out that secretly pining for others doesn't bode well for the long-term. "[If] you are able to cheat in a committed relationship without feeling remorse... if you can compartmentalize intimacy with your partner versus sex with someone else, it's a good sign that you should stay uncommitted," says Hogi.
8. You Come Up With Absurd Reasons To Call Things Off
Whether it's because the person you're dating wears white socks, has wonky facial hair, or maybe overly pronounces the "H" in "whip cream," you will, without a doubt, find a ridiculous reason to dump someone and make sure that relationship doesn't get to the next level. For some, it may just not be the right time, but for others, it may be a sign a long-term relationship isn't right for them.
9. You Love Being Single
Perhaps the biggest sign of all? "If it was socially acceptable, you would happily forgo long-term commitment," says Hogi. "But you're expected to want commitment, so you go along with it, hoping your feelings will change." While change is possible, as Hogi mentioned, it's no fun forcing yourself into something that's not for you. In other words, don't force it; accept it. Short-term relationships are cool, too.
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