Kanye Wrote A Song About McDonald's — Yes, Really

In the midst of this widespread frenzy over Frank Ocean's Blonde, there is some more head-turning news to consider when it comes to Ocean and his resurfacing that's unrelated to the actual album. According to Vulture, after being prompted to by Ocean along with Tom Sachs, Tyrone Lebon, and Wolfgang Tillman, Kanye West penned a song for Ocean's Boys Don't Cry magazine — about McDonald's. Yes, really. Vulture explained that, "In a poem/rap/heart-song titled 'The McDonald's Man,' [West] gets philosophical about the complex relationships happening inside the Happy Meal box and the virtues of apple pie."

That's not a joke or an exaggeration. The fact that West chose to pen a song about McDonald's for the magazine Ocean gave out at pop-up stores for Blonde is totally legit. All things considered, being that Ocean's albums are heavily emotional and soul searching, is West's departure from that an attempt to get free McFlurries for a year? Is he just trying to get a second sweet and sour sauce for his nuggets without paying extra? No, friends, I think this goes beyond what McDonald's produces as a fast food establishment. I think this may just be more personal than that — and actually be a song about Taylor Swift.

Hear me out. Maybe, just maybe, this song isn't as crazy as we think. Maybe West is the genius he says he is, after all. What if, under the guise of a McDonald's order, West is putting to the feud between himself and Swift to music? I think, in West's mind, Swift is the untrustworthy french fries and he is the "smooth apple pie. Don't see it like I see it? Let me explain, verse by verse, with the lyrics that Vulture provided via a Twitter post on the matter.

This Verse Seems Abstract Enough

McDonalds man

McDonalds man

The French fries had a plan

The French fries had a plan

The salad bad and the ketchup made a band

Cus the French fries had a plan

The French fries had a plan

Though, as I first read it, I couldn't let the perceived deviousness of the french fries go.

It All Becomes Clearer, Here, If You Pay Close Attention

McDonalds man

McDonalds man

I know them French fries had a plan

I know them French fries had a plan

The cheeseburger and the shakes formed a band

To overthrow the French fries plan

I always knew them French fries was evil man

Smelling all good and shit

I don’t trust no food that smells that good man

I don’t trust it

I just can’t

What can a bunch of potato sticks plan? Not much, considering they're inanimate. But stop thinking of french fries in terms of food. What West is trying to say here is that french fries are universally beloved. They're everyone's favorite McDonald's treat. Out of all of the criticism their food has faced, the fries are never, ever (in my experience and apparently his) the ones to take the hit. Because as "good and shit" as the fries appear, he knew their was something more sinister underneath and he's not just talking calories.

You guys, the fries are totally T. Swift. Their plan? Making Yeezus look bad for the controversial "Famous" lyrics despite being privy to them before its release. The cheeseburger and the shakes? They're Kim Kardashian and friends, who plotted to unearth the Swift's "evil" plot and ended up doing so through that infamous Snapchat.

Let This Last Verse Bring The Theory Home For You

McDonalds man

McDonalds man

McDonalds, damn

Them French fries look good tho

I knew the diet Coke was jealous of the fries

I knew the McNuggets was jealous of the fries

I could see it through his artificial meat eyes

And he only be there some of the time

Everyone was jealous of them French fries

Expect for that one special guy

That smooth apple pie

The Diet Coke and the McNuggets? Well, the Diet Coke could be a vast majority of former "friends" of Swift who threw shade after the Snapchat debacle, or perhaps helped Kardashian and West bust her underhandedly. But the McNuggets? Could that be a reference to Calvin Harris, Swift's ex-boyfriend who also hashed it out with her on social media? I think it could be, and the "jealous" aspect could be that Swift topped him popularity-wise and financially. Also, the insinuation that they weren't together often means to me that, knowing that the couple was open about their crazy schedules, Harris is exactly who West is referring to. I mean, who was the producer hanging out with just recently?

Yep.

To sum this all up, West, of course, is the apple pie. Why? Because in all of this feuding, he is actually the one who has remained cool, calm, and collected. It was Kardashian, not him, who did the dirty work in "exposing" Swift and even the ever-unaffected singer felt the need to respond in an impassioned tweet. Harris, Katy Perry, and others made their voices heard, too with everything from direct call outs to snide, subtle jabs. But not Ye. Not this time. As Us Weekly previously reported, he simply claimed that, "All I gotta say is, I am so glad my wife has Snapchat. Because now y'all can know the truth. And can't nobody talk sh*t about Ye no more."

West kept things sweet and unassuming. Just like the long-time McDonald's menu staple, an unsung favorite.