The man who once dubbed himself “the world’s biggest joke” is now the world’s most eligible bachelor. On Tuesday night’s episode of Bachelor in Paradise after show After Paradise, ABC broke the news that Nick Viall will be the star of the twenty-first season of The Bachelor. This will be the Bachelor Nation villain-turned-Bachelor Nation hero’s fourth attempt at finding love on a reality series. I, for one, am beyond stoked about this decision because the guy is phenomenal TV; I’m no fortune teller, but I’m confident his season will be anything but milquetoast. Dude knows how to mix it up, dude delivers commentary that is both funny and astute, and dude occasionally says bonkers stuff. And yes, “he occasionally says bonkers stuff” is a compliment. I love Nick Viall and Nick Viall’s weird quotes, OK?
Now, if you pulled me aside a year and a half ago and told me I’d one day say “I love Nick Viall” and mean it, I’d stare at you incredulously and ask you to tell me more about this bizarro future. And yet, here I am: a Nick Viall fan. I'm a changed person. It’s as the old saying goes: Life is what happens when you’re busy watching all of The Bachelor shows.
Here are some of the weird things the future Bachelor has said that only make me adore him all the more:
1. Me Either...?
What, uh, food for thought.
2. Oops, Now I’m Picturing A Device That Literally Measures Bovine Feces
Just me? OK then.
3. How Dare You Say Such A Thing About Chris Harrison
How. Dare. You.
Wait, do rats really eat each other? Huh. I should've paid more attention in biology class.
5. Well, That’s A Tad Intense
Keep living your truth, I guess?
6. Do Go On, Nick
Wow. So cryptic.
7. It's The Question Mark That Really Sells It
And By "sells it" I mean "un-sells it."
8. What, Is Netflix Not Good Enough For You?
At on point during his now-legendary airplane rant, Viall uttered, "We just go to, like, K-Mart and just chill." As far as I'm concerned, it's the most iconic excerpt from his diatribe.
9. G’bless This Description Of Josh
Back in August, Viall appeared on The Ringer’s Bachelor Party podcast to talk about — you guessed it — all things Bachelor Nation. His hour-long chat with Juliet Litman is terrific, but nothing made me laugh harder than the moment Viall called Murray “a sweaty, sandwich-eating…” person:
[Josh Murray] was a sweaty, sandwich-eating … If he got hungry, he’d get really hangry, real fast.
10. "Just," Eh?
11. *Raptor Noises*
Again, keep living your truth, Viall.
Can't wait to find out what wonderfully weird Nick Viall quotes next week's Bachelor in Paradise finale and next year's The Bachelor (*waves* helloooo, January 2017) will bring to the Bachelor Nation table.