The Feminist Debate Workout Game Will Melt Away Your Election Stress
Feeling stressed about the upcoming election? You are definitely not alone. Way too many of us woke up with gnarly post-debate hangovers, attempting to deal with our election anxiety by chugging entire bottles of wine in 90 minutes. We have two more debates to go, and if the mere thought of another hour and a half of Trump’s misogynistic, misinformed mansplaining is giving you high blood pressure, I have a healthy (and fun) solution! I present you with the Feminist Debate Workout Game.
This politically-minded workout challenge turns the following presidential debates into a fun, empowering game! Exercise is a proven stress reducer, and it will help debate watchers not break things every time Trump unfairly interrupts his opponent. The focus required to perform complex physical tasks can have a meditative effect — taking your mind off unpleasant thoughts (like Donald Trump’s orange face). Exercise also increases your endorphins, making you feel happier and more relaxed, as well as boosting feelings of self-confidence. A good workout will even help you sleep! So when the debate ends at 10:30 p.m., you won’t have to spend another restless couple hours winding down (or rocking back and forth on your kitchen floor, depending). There is no better way to deal with this high pressure election than with a high intensity workout.
The second presidential debate will take place on Sunday, Oct. 9, from 9 p.m. to 10:30 p.m. at Washington University, with a third and final debate on Wednesday, Oct. 19. Raise your heart rate the healthy way by playing the Feminist Debate Workout Game, and turn Trump’s blatant sexist nonsense into something that is good for your body and your mind. A few minutes into the next town hall-style debate and you will feel just as bad*ss as Hillary's shimmy looks.
Here is what you need to play Feminist Debate Workout Game:
- A TV or streaming device
- A small area of open floorspace
- A yoga mat (recommended)
- Sneakers (recommended)
- Righteous Feminist Fury
1. Trump Interrupts Clinton During Her Designated Speaking Time: 10 Jumping Jacks
Jumping jacks are great for getting the blood pumping as well as all-over strengthening. This calisthenic jump won't tire you out too fast, in case you have to do quite of few. Trump interrupted Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton a total of 51 times during the first debate, so be sure to stretch!
2. Trump Interrupts The Moderator (double reps if it is Martha Raddatz): Jab + Cross + Kick Combo (x5)
To perform this exercise, take a wide stance with one foot slightly in front of the other. Engage your core while you punch with the hand of the leading foot, jab cross with the other hand, and kick with the rear leg. This exercise improves balance and should ease some of your justifiable frustration. Be sure to switch your stance each interruption — I mean interval!
3. Trump Makes A Body Shaming Comment: Bridge Pose (x2)
Bridge pose is said to be one of the most relaxing and gentle yoga poses out there, so it's the perfect thing for dealing with hurtful and mean-spirited comments. As you raise your hips you will stretch out your back and legs while feeling the tension and anxiety melt away. Every time Trump mentions Alicia Machado, Rosie O'Donnell, or something along the lines of a "400 lb hacker," find serenity in the bridge.
4. Trump Says That He Isn't Going To Be Mean To Clinton (inferring that it is because she is a woman): 10 Push-ups
The push-up exercise not only works the pectoral muscles, triceps, and deltoids, but it also prevents you from kicking the television. Feel free to do whatever form of push-up you are most comfortable with, and allow Trump's un-checked misogyny to fuel your upper body strengthening.
5. Trump Judges Clinton's Personal Life (double reps if he denigrates her marriage): Jump Squats x5
These active squats work the glutes, quadriceps, hamstrings, and the calves as well as building your mobility and balance. I guarantee that after few of these squats, you'll be able keep your game face on, and be as chill as Hill.
6. Trump Tries To Stop A Fact Check: Jog in place until the fact is checked
Trump's onslaught of lies is pretty tough to stomach without throwing things at the TV. Try taking out your debate anger while kicking your cardiovascular system into shape. Every time Trump starts spinning his hamster wheel of lies, start jogging in place. In the first debate he was fact-checked in real time on topics ranging from his support of the Iraq War, Stop and Frisk, birtherism, and his tax returns. Increase your pace to match the rate at which Trump speaks over the moderator and denies the proven facts.
7. Trump Tries To Spin His Ignorance And Inexperience Like It Is A Good Thing: 15 Bicycle Crunches
Donald Trump likes to point out that Secretary Clinton's 30 years of public service is to the detriment of the American public, oftentimes pointing out how he would make the perfect President since he has never held elected office or served our nation in any fashion. Each time Trump derides Clinton for breaking the glass ceiling over the span of several decades or begins to "mansplain" about how he more suited to the job as an outsider, perform 15 rage-induced bicycle crunches. That is all.
8. Every Time Trump Tells Someone To Call His Boi Sean Hannity: Side Plank x3
Fact-checkers have repeatedly confirmed that Donald Trump was not publicly opposed the Iraq War. That didn't stop Trump from invoking Sean Hannity's name during the first presidential debate as some kind of proof. Next time Trump declares, "Call Sean Hannity!" try focusing on some relaxing side planks instead. Begin by laying on your left side with your knees straight. Raise your hips until your body forms a straight line and either hold the position or thread your arm underneath for some added burn. Repeat this three times, holding the position for 10 seconds each time. Then turn around so that you are facing the other side and repeat.
9. Trump Attempts To "Mansplain" The Internet: 10 Lunges
I'm pretty sure Hillary Clinton, the moderators, and the American public know how the Internet works, but that won't stop Donald Trump from taking a fair amount of time to (incorrectly) explain it! Take your mind off his incoherent and patronizing babble with some power lunges. Start from a stationary position and try to dip as low as you can. Be sure to alternate legs each time — you wouldn't want to be one-sided.