People have a lot of misconceptions about what being in a lesbian relationship is like. I've been in one for a year and I'm amazed at how many people assume that we just sit around doing needle point and talking about our feelings. And that's just the people who even realize we're in a relationship. I didn't understand how much of a thing gal pal-ing — when people see two women who are clearly in a relationship but somehow convince themselves they are just "good friends" — really is. I had to take my girlfriend to the emergency room when she cut her hand and despite both of us being in our pajamas having clearly just spent the night together, calling each other 'babe', and her introducing me to the nurse as her partner, the nurse insisted on referring to us as "good friends" over and over again. It was weird.
But once people finally wrap their heads around the fact that you're actually in a relationship, they assume it's something out of an Ani DiFranco song or a romance novel. It's just not true. Here are seven misconceptions about having a lesbian relationship, because not everybody moves in together after the second date:
1. Everybody U-Hauls
We all know what a lesbian brings on a second date — a moving van. And I have to say, in some cases the stereotype may be true, but certainly not for all.
"Dating should be a slow and natural process," dating coach Monica Parikh tells Bustle. "It requires us to maintain a certain detachment, so we can evaluate the other person. Do we have what it takes to make a long-term, healthy relationship? Can we communicate? Is there chemistry? Are we compatible?"
A lot of people in lesbian relationships appreciate this. I've been dating my girlfriend for over a year and we still don't live together, while a lot of my straight friends have moved in together in less time. It all depends on the couple.
2. Lesbian Bed Death
There's this horrible idea that lesbian relationships are bound to turn into a platonic, roommate situation with no sex. Wrong. Vanessa Marin writes in Bustle:
"This myth truly does a huge disservice to the lesbian community, and arguably to all of womankind. It gets wrapped up in other myths about female sexuality, including that women are frigid, or that we’re less sexual than men. It’s especially frustrating knowing that the lesbian bed death myth is not even grounded in reality."
I mean, speaking from personal experience I have even more sex than I did in other relationships.
3. There's A "Dude" In The Relationship
Firstly, the assumption that one of you will look masculine and one feminine is ridiculous. Then there is the idea that even if you don't, one of you acts masculine and is more dominant. It's total reductive crap. My girlfriend and I are both very femme, she's more grounded and dominant in some ways and I am in other ways.
4. It's All About Talking About Your Feelings
Nope. Some women love to talk about feelings, and some men love to talk about feelings. Yes, I definitely know some lesbian couples who love the angst and obsession of talking about their relationship, but plenty don't. And some straight couples do the same thing.
5. It's Not "Real Sex"
Seriously, I just can't with this one. Not only is it just as real as any other sex you could imagine, lesbians also have more orgasms than straight women. So it's not just real, it's great. Also, do you know how many times you can have sex when you're not waiting for a penis to be able to go again? A lot. You can do it a lot of times.
6. Everyone Wants Monogamy
Lesbians can play the field too, son. Don't assume it's all monogamous.
7. It's Only Because You "Can't Find A Man"
This is the worst. No, lesbians are not dating women because they can't find a man, or because they "hate" men, or because a man once stole their pudding pot in a dream, or whatever it is people think. They're doing it because boobs are amazing.
Images: Andrew Zaeh for Bustle; Giphy (7)