'SNL's David S. Pumpkins Is The Secret Ingredient Your Favorite Scary Movies Always Needed — VIDEO
And there you were, thinking 2016 was a complete bust — until Saturday Night Live 's gift to the world, David S. Pumpkins, came along. Easily the best character Tom Hanks has ever played (yes, even better than Forrest Gump), Pumpkins unites three compelling qualities in one individual: garish, Halloween-themed clothing, and a memorable catchphrase ("Any questions?"). Not only that, but he has his own backup dancers in two skeleton costume-clad b-boys. Also, he's just a really confusing character. So no wonder BuzzFeed's Jesse McLaren decided to add David S. Pumpkins to classic horror movies. No one asked for this, but it's exactly what everyone needed.
Like a human Pumpkin Spice Latte, David S. Pumpkins makes everything better. While film critics and audiences alike were united in finding The Shining, The Ring, and Halloween bed-wetting-level terrifying, thanks to BuzzFeed's video editing, you can now get a glimpse into how much scarier these movies would be with an extra helping of Pumpkins. After all, to quote Kenan Thompson's elevator operator in the original SNL sketch, "The scariest thing to the mind is the unknown."
Of course, the one question this mash-up of classic horror movies poses is this: which other horror movies would be scarier with more David S. Pumpkins? I've compiled a list with a few ideas.
Who says David S. Pumpkins can only be added to mainstream movies? Dario Argento's important cult classic could only be improved by one more detail: more Pumpkins. If you've watched the movie, you'll know there's a very significant mirror scene. What if, rather than the horrifying visage seen in the mirror, Pumpkins is shaking it instead?
Because dancing + giant blood-thirsty shark = pure terror. The horror of the bloody gaping abyss that Jaws calls a mouth would only be doubled with a tiny Pumpkins busting a groove inside of it.
Don't Look Now
When bereaved father, John, chases after someone who he believes is his late daughter Christine, what if he discovered David S. Pumpkins instead? Sure, it would make no logical sense. But how much sense does this movie make, anyway? Pumpkins makes everything better, period.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
That hitchhiker is so creepy. Imagine how much more full of joy this bleak gore fest of a movie would be if the ragtag group of friends had picked up Pumpkins and his two skeletons instead? A lot more. Plus, a lot more fun and a lot more dancing. Please remake this immediately.
Psycho marked a milestone in the horror genre, and most people would argue that as one of the best films in cinematic history, it can't be improved. These people are wrong. After all, how much better would it have been if Marion's shower curtain had been pulled back to reveal ... not Norman Bates poised with a chef's knife, but the far more sinister Pumpkins shaking his money maker?
As a refresher, here's a look back at Pumpkins' dance moves:
I think everyone can agree that the above movies are swell and all, but they're lacking one key ingredient. Say it with me: David S. Pumpkins. Here's hoping this article ushers in some squash-heavy remakes.
Images: BuzzFeed; Giphy (5)