How To Supercharge Your Sex Life In 2017, Because It's Time To Be Open About Your Fantasies
The New Year is a great time to make changes — that’s what New Year’s resolutions are all about, right? But while all of your friends are resolving to finally start working out regularly or change their eating habits or stop spending so much money, I suggest you try something much more fun: Sexual New Year’s resolutions. Start by taking an honest look at your sex life last year and asking yourself, first, what was awesome about it. Resolve to continue doing the things that make you feel good in bed — and maybe even take them a step further than you already have. Once you’ve addressed the positive side of things, look at the other side of things: What was terrible or just kind of “meh”? Take those nasty things and resolve to do things differently in the new year.
Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, suggests starting by envisioning what you want for your sex life in the upcoming year. “Making sexual New Year's Resolutions is a great way to supercharge your sex life,” Levine tells Bustle. “The beginning of the year is a time for a fresh start and renewed optimism allowing us to create the life and sex life we want to live. Close your eyes, and envision the sex life you want to live in 2017. Then, write down what you remember. Turn these thoughts and ideas into a wish list and make it real.”
For those of us in relationships, sexologist and relationship expert Dr. Nikki Goldstein thinks that making sexual New Year’s resolutions can also be a great boost for getting closer with your partner — and that closeness should start way before the bedroom.“Sex is a way to show intimacy but intimacy can make sex so much better,” Goldstein tells Bustle. “But sometimes you need to achieve this outside of the bedroom before you can transfer it into the bedroom. Do you have enjoyment in your relationship, do you show affection to each other, are you vulnerable. Explore how you can create intimacy and what it means to you.”
But whether you’re single or in a relationship (or three), here are seven possible sexual New Year’s resolutions. Happy 2017!
1. Masturbate More
There’s no lovin’ like self-lovin’. Masturbation teaches you how your body works and makes you a better lover when you’re having sex with a partner. Plus, it’s just awesome in general. If you’re not sure how to start, check out this awesome step-by-step guide to masturbation from Vanessa Marin.
2. No More Faking It
No. More. Faking. Orgasms. If you’re faking orgasms, commit to making 2017 the year that you stop — for good. While you might think that a fake orgasm is sparing your partner’s feelings, all you’re really doing is teaching them how not to get you off — and giving them a false sense of confidence. Instead, show them how to actually get you off. Isn’t that way better for everyone?
3. Buy A New Sex Toy Every Three Months
Because why not? Sex toys are a great way to explore new parts of your sexuality and they can be used either solo or with a partner. Resolve to buy a new sex toy once every three months and you’ll find that your sex life is more varied and fun than ever. And if you’re an indecisive person, why not make it easy and subscribe to Unbound, the sex toy subscription box? They’ll send you a box chock-full of goodies every quarter of 2017.
4. Become Part Of A Sex Party Community
If you’re in a big city, there’s probably a sex party community near you. (For example, check to see if there’s a Kinky Salon in your area.) Do a little research, find one that sounds interesting, and check it out!
5. Be More Open About Your Fantasies
Regardless of whether you’re sleeping with a hundred people or just one, it’s alway great to be open about your fantasies. Tell your partner(s) what you’re into and see if they’re interested in exploring with you.
6. Ask For What You Want In Bed
On that note, pledge to speak up when something's not working for you or you'd like something different. Just liking faking it won't improve your sex life, neither will keeping quiet.
7. Try A New Sex Act Every Month
We all fall into sexual ruts — it’s totally normal to keep going with what works. But why not switch things up this year? Try a new sex act every month and see what you think. If you really want to go all-out, make a plan at the beginning of the year, scheduling which sex acts you’ll do each month. It gives you something to look forward to.
New Year is a great time to make changes in your life and your sex life is just as important as any other element. So for 2017, forget the workout plans and cleanses and commit to a sexual New Year’s resolution instead. I promise it will much more fun.
Want to have an awesome 2017? Then check out the "You IRL" stream in the Bustle App for tips on how to have the most empowering year yet.
Image: Ashley Batz for Bustle; Giphy