Taylor Swift Should Seriously Consider These Other Dating Requirements
In what is sure to be a surprise to absolutely no one: Taylor Swift's "friend" (because the best friends are the ones that exploit your personal secrets for gain$) revealed to the world recently that she has some pretty high standards when it comes to the dudes in her life. Which: of course she does, she's Taylor effing Swift. She likely has dudes of all shades trying to put the moves on her, and when you're as popular and busy as T.Swifty is, you'd do well to have some dealbreakers to help weed out the undesirable love candidates. Player or otherwise, we think.
According to some exclusive details sourced over at HollywoodLife, one of the members of the Taylor Swift BFF Army claims that "She's all about finding a new boyfriend but she doesn't want just any guy, she wants the perfect guy. She's made a really detailed list of what she wants and it’s so intense, there aren't many guys out there that can live up to it."
So what are these requirements? "She wants someone on her level when it comes to their career, plus, they have to be hot — like leading man hot. And she would love a guy that can speak at least two languages." TWO languages? GIRL most of us can barely master one. How many languages do YOU speak, Swifty?
But, hoo boy, that's not all. The specificity continues on, with the alleged BFF claiming that "she wants a guy that has at least one sister because she thinks it will make him a better boyfriend. He has to have a good relationship with his parents, especially his mom, but he can't be a mama's boy. Like I said, it is very detailed and it goes on and on. Her friends think she needs to chill. They think being so picky is just going to keep her single."
But we think that doesn't go far enough for Princess Swift. So we've drafted a personal ad perfect for the barren field that is Taylor Swift's romantic existence.
WANTED: Boyfriend. Age 18 - 40. Worldwide superstar seeks a well-rounded male individual for long-term, happily-ever-after whirlwind romance. A go-getter and a hero to most, boyfriend candidates must be successful in his chosen field and dreamy like a Disney prince. (Inquiries from Jafar types not accepted.) Unheard of financial success a major plus, but exceptions will be made for thought leaders in burgeoning and trendy up-and-coming fields. An aptitude for languages is a must — there is a 2-language mastery minimum and no HTML and CSS don't count. Ew. — as is having a sister (because everybody knows that makes you a better boyfriend). Regular contact with family, and an undying love for the archetypal roles they play within the idealized modern society, are non-negotiable. Reverence for and major appreciation of your mother is a requirement, but please don't be a momma's boy because arbitrary lines must be put up somewhere! Must agree to a contact schedule of at least 15 texts per day, or the equivalent of 3 hours cell phone time. A cavalier attitude about the public dissection of our private life is mandatory. MUST be OK with being a musical muse, good or bad. Arms must be a minimum of 33 inches (sorry, McConaughey). Be willing to be misconstrued mercilessly. Must love cats and Grey's Anatomy! Please inquire at email@example.com.