'Southern Charm' Secrets Revealed: Jenna King's Then-Boyfriend Makes a Cameo & Patricia Altschul Mourns Her Cat

What secrets were revealed during Monday night's Southern Charm Secrets Revealed special? Anything JUICY?! Um, I'm going to be real. I hope that's okay. There weren't a lot of reveals. Not many spilled secrets, per se. There were maybe two moments that surprised me. Even so, that's okay. I didn't need to be stunned. I don't require bombshell after bombshell to enjoy myself while watching SC. The special was an hour of Southern Charm shenanigans, and that is all this SC fan could ever want. There was a seance, a JFK yacht party, a private jet jaunt, a Kathryn Dennis/Thomas Ravenel shopping trip, and lots of Patricia Altschul screen time. What the reunion lacked (Patricia), it made up for it with Secrets Revealed.

My favorite details/moments from Secrets Revealed:

  • Perhaps the biggest (the only?) reveal: Lou. Lou. THE Lou. We met Lou, Jenna King's then-boyfriend. We actually saw Lou. We saw Lou’s NYC apartment. We rode in Lou’s jet. We went to lunch with Lou. (And by “we” I mean “the cast.”) Shep said Lou reminded him of a Bond villain: he has the penthouse, the private jet, and the hot lady friend.
  • J.D. pissed off Whitney Sudler-Smith by bringing randoms to his JFK yacht party. Note to self: Never bring uninvited guests to a Whitney yacht party. J.D. also pissed off Whitney with his JFK impression. Note to self: Never do a JFK impression around Whitney.
  • There was a "social blogger" on the yacht. He contacted Patricia about what transpired during the party and said he'd write about it. He embellished a bit (the phrase "drunken orgy" worked its way into the description). Patricia and Whitney decided the best way to handle the gossipy social blogger is to ice him out of their social circles. If that didn't work: “I could always just kill him," Patricia joked. "Where’s my pink pistol?” Oh, PAT.
  • Rocky, Patricia's cat, passed away. Don't ask me if I teared up when Patricia was crying. I'm not ready to give you an answer.
  • Patricia decided to mount Rocky's urn over her headboard. I support it. Live your truth, Patricia.
  • Jenna, Cameran, Shep Rose, and Craig Conover met with a Gullah voodoo priestess in Jenna’s home. Jenna asked about the spirits she’s been sensing. The priestess confirmed that there are spirits of slaves in the house, but they mean her no harm. I... I've got nothing.
  • The spirits said Shep drinks too much alcohol.
  • We hung out with with Whitney's girlfriend, Larissa Marolt. Larissa, Whitney, and Patricia sat around the kitchen island and enjoyed a pile of crab legs. What a life! Before Larissa, Whitney dated a woman with a PhD "who [Patricia] liked enormously.” What happened to that relationship? “She gained weight.” Patricia says Whitney sees a carb and “runs for the hills.” I... I've got nothing.
  • T-Rav and Kathryn decided the other Southern Charmers aren't ideal godparent candidates.

And with that, the first season of Southern Charm is officially over. Man. I've got nothing. I reckon it has yet to sink in. Give me a couple of days. I'm sure my cup of feelings will runneth over. Brace yourself. I know I'm bracing myself. Just looking out.

Image: Bravo