As you may have heard, on Thursday the USA lost to Germany and advanced to the next round of the World Cup. And if you didn't hear about this, now you know why your neighbors kept screaming. Advancing with a loss is a weird way for things to go down and while everyone is glad the U.S. is going forward into the round of 16, having the team advance because they lost by only one goal and because another team in their group won but only by one point, doesn't exactly make for a climactic ending. "Yay!!! We lost and Portugal beat Ghana 2-1!" Yeah... the story of our triumph is a confusing one, but it is what it is and we're moving on! Huzzah!
While now we don't have to worry about explaining group play to those who don't understand — Or having it explained to us, or some combination of the two, because this thing was really that confusing — you still may be wondering about how this all went down. It's never too late to get into the World Cup! (Order your team U.S.A. t-shirts now! There is at least one more game where it will be appropriate!) For this reason, for this week's character react I decided to go with the one person who would make even the newest soccer fan feel like an expert: 30 Rock's Jenna Maroney. Is she the smartest tool in the shed? No way, but she sure is passionate. She would jump on the Team USA bandwagon as quick as she could. Plus, I'm pretty sure rooting for a soccer team counts as normaling.
Before She Knew the World Cup Is a Thing That Exists
Finding Out & Hearing the U.S. was Actually Doing Pretty Well
And That She Should Root for Them
Finding Out They Might Not Advance Out of the Group Round
But That They Could If they Lose to Germany & Portugal & Ghana Tie
Or If the U.S. Ties or Wins Against Germany
We know, Jenna. It's overwhelming.
Or If the U.S Loses & Portugal OR Ghana Wins But Then It Depends Goal Differential Between the U.S. & the Winning Team... Blah, blah, blah.
Giving In & Just Watching the Game
Seeing Germany Score
Realizing It Didn't Matter
Hearing the U.S. Was Advancing to the Next Round
And That Ghana & Portugal Were Eliminated
Knowing This Means There Is Another U.S. Game Coming
It's not over yet, Jenna. It's not over yet.
Images: NBC; Giphy