Entertainment
Should You See 'Guardians of the Galaxy'?
Marvel's latest superhero offering, Guardians of the Galaxy , hits theatres Friday August 1. You've seen the promotions — a studly Chris Pratt stumbling through the universe's many galaxies with an unlikely band of misfit friends. Zoe Saldana appears as the the tough (and green) skinned Gamora. Bradley Cooper takes on the role of feisty and brainy Rocket the raccoon, with action superstar Vin Diesel voicing Groot, the towering and animated tree root. Dave Bautista portrays a human muscle, Drax the Destroyer, hellbent on avenging his wife and daughter's murder. And the cast is rounded out with Lee Pace as the ultimate Baddie, Ronan.
Bustle screened the film Monday night, and while I was wholly smitten with all 122 minutes of the Marvel origin story, we know that not everyone can stomach yet another superhero flick. So, to determine whether or not you should spend the cash and screen time with Chris Pratt's Peter Quill and his pals, take this quiz to determine whether or not the film will be worth your while. After all, there are dozens of Marvel films, and a million more on the way, that are determined to brainwash our cinematic preferences into oblivion.
1. Pro Wrestling Is:
a) a made-up sport that is completely staged and dumb — What is the lifespan on those guys, anyways? I prefer real sports.
b) Noise. What's the point when there's Netflix?
c) a made-up sport that is completely staged and EPIC — Who can resist watching huge, grown men and women throw one another around in colorful spandex costumes?
d) the most anticipated part of my week. WWE is like a religion — there's a reason those pay-per-views come out on Sundays.
2. I usually wear my hair...
a) In a ponytail
b) In barrel curls
c) down — I hate the hassle of dealing with it
3. How do you feel about nature?
a) Nature? Like leaves and trees and shit? Gross. That's some hippie mumbo-jumbo right there.
b) Nature is fun, in small doses — like I'll stay in nature long enough to snap an Insta, but then I'm outtie.
c) I love hiking and exploring the outdoors!
d) Nature is the most beautiful part of our galaxies. Especially trees.
4. This man is...
a) Andy Dwyer
b) Wasn't he in Zero Dark Thirty?
c) Bright Abbott, but all grown up and super hot.
d) Starlord
5. Your favorite planet is...
a) Earth, duhz.
b) Pluto, that's a planet, right?
c) That's a tough one — Mars? No, Venus.
d) All of them! How could I ever choose?!
6. My favorite classic rock song is...
a) "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard
b) I usually only listen to current top 40 jams.
c) "Beat It" by Michael Jackson
d) Anything by the Jackson 5
7. My accessory of choice is:
a) a laptop/iphone/tablet
b) a Louis Vuitton bag, Gucci shades
c) Beats by Dre headphones
d) a cassette player
8. Dying Would Be an Awfully Big Adventure. I'd Do It If...
a) I was dying of a medical condition which there was no cure for and I had no other choice.
b) I wouldn't.
c) If I was doing something truly brave or heroic.
d) I was surrounded by friends.
9. I would describe myself as...
a) a hard worker.
b) a social butterfly.
c) likeable, with a couple close friends.
d) an outsider and a bit of a loner with a heart of gold.
ANSWERS:
Mostly A's: Like Drax the Destroyer, you're grounded in the real world. You appreciate films that you can easily relate to on a tangible level. Galaxies and talking, genetically-modified raccoons might be too unbelievable for your taste. I'd skip this one and see The Fault in Our Stars for the nth time.
Mostly B's: Like the lovable tree creature Groot, you have good intentions, but you aren't the sharpest tool in the shed. You might not understand the jokes about metaphors and rhetoric presented in the film, or you might tune-out entirely when the film starts to sag momentarily in the middle. You might find this movie entertaining, but you'd be best seeing something without 3D glasses and a 122 minute running time.
Mostly C's: Like Rocket, you're tastes are hard to please, but with a little coaxing you're on board for almost anything. You'd probably like this film, you'd maybe even love it, assuming your pals can convince you its worth spending 15 bucks to enjoy.
Mostly D's: Guardians of the Galaxy was a movie made for you. From it's exploration of multiple galaxies, it's hodgepodge of eccentric characters and action-packed storyline, you'll love every single minute of this Marvel flick. Get thee self to a theatre, friend — the galaxy needs you!
Images: Tumblr; Giphy
