'Big Brother's Zankie Is Over & It's Going To Take 5 Stages of Grief to Get Over Them

It is a dark day, America. One of our nation's great power couples has called it quits. After two months of spooning, sweet talk, back rubs, and (near) kisses, Big Brother 's Zach Rance and Frankie Grande are no longer a showmance. Yes friends, Zankie is officially over. But what could possibly have come between these two soulmates? Well, turns out Frankie and Caleb conspired to send Zach home this week. After Donny and Christine unexpectedly won the Battle of the Block, Frankie remained sole HoH, and Caleb and Cody were both left on the block. This was the worst possible outcome for the Detonators (well, most of them — Derrick still wants Donny around).

Before the Power of Veto competition, it seemed Frankie was set on backdooring Victoria, the only non-Detonator he could put up. But after he won the POV, Frankie had a powwow with Caleb, who convinced him to backdoor Zach instead. So Frankie took Caleb off the block and put up Zach as his replacement. Say it isn't so! Between Cody and Zach, it's clear who has made more enemies in the house, and who will most likely be evicted on Aug. 21. Sorry Zach, looks like you're out of luck, ya fruit loop dingus.

But how do we come to accept the loss of this great romance and move on? It won't be easy, but I've compiled a handy five-step guide to getting over Zankie.


At this point, you just don't want to think about Zankie being over. It's too much to bear. So instead, pretend like everything's still ok (even though it's totally not). Go rewatch some episodes from early in Season 16, when Zankie first formed. Remember the magical few days they were co-HOHs and got to cuddle in a giant nest/bed together. Relish the erotic tension. Just think these happy thoughts, and push any sadness deep down inside where you can't feel it anymore.


Of course, eventually you're going to have to deal with this breakup. The first emotion you'll fear is pure rage. How could Zankie do this to you?! You loved them, and now they're gone forever. You may feel an urge to throw things, to write scathing diatribes on Big Brother fan sites, even to burn your television. Try to resist these temptations.


At this stage, you may feel compelled to try and make some sort of deal with CBS to keep Zankie alive. Trust me, the producers of Big Brother will not take your call. I tried. Next, you'll pray to your chosen higher power. As a last resort, perhaps you'll reach out to Arianna Grande via Twitter and beg her to get Zankie a message from you. None of these strategies will work. Zankie are beyond your reach. If you find yourself hiring an airline to write "I'm sorry Zach! Love, Frankie" in the sky above the Big Brother house, please seek professional help.


Finally, you'll break down. You'll realize that behind all your defenses, you were just so sad that these two men couldn't make it work. I mean, if they can't, who can? Their love was just so beautiful, and now it's all ruined. So let it all out. Let yourself feel. If you need to take some time off work, that's ok. You need to take care of you right now.


It may take you a while to reach this last step. Don't measure your grieving process against anyone else's. Remember, your relationship with Zankie was personal and unique. But once you find it in yourself to let go, you will come to accept that not every relationship is forever. Sometimes you just need to appreciate the good times, even if they're over now. We'll always have summer 2014.

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