It seems that everyone was at the VMAs this year — hell, even Beyoncé turned the usually PG-13 rated show into the world's greatest Take Your Daughter To Work Day. But despite all of the celebrities, whether they showed up wearing a romper or a quilt, one person — one individual who managed to irritate all of womankind last year — one chauvinist happened to be missing, and that's Robin Thicke. So, where was Thicke instead of at the VMAs?
One might argue that Thicke was still coping with the overwhelming embarrassment that was last year's episode of Beetlejuice Learns All About Twerking (I'm sorry, but that striped suit still haunts me). However, his Twerk-gate '13 partner-in-crime, Ms. Miley Cyrus, showed up to the VMAs, ready to blow our minds. Instead of a foam finger, she shared the stage with a young man who was formerly homeless. She used her Best Video of the Year acceptance speech to raise awareness for runaway youths. So, memo to Robin Thicke: You, and the Internet, can move past the year 2013. Retribution exists!
But while Cyrus spent most of the year promoting Bangerz, besieging the world with her antics and at times, her artistry, Thicke spent a good chunk of the year in a desperate attempt to win back his estranged wife Paula Patton via the often unsuccessful route: an album dedicated to her. The album was an embarrassment (there was a point when only 54 copies had been sold in Australia!), so needless to say, the public has not been gunning for Thicke to re-appear.
The hope of a possible reemergence at the VMAs didn't excite Thicke, clearly. So where was he!?
At His Sister-in-Law's wedding
Or recovering from it? Or ruining his sister-in-law's wedding by telling people to check out her dress before she gets married? Or is this how Thicke gets hacked — other celebs get dick jokes, and Thicke gets wedding dresses?
Not on Instagram
This photo — published on July 8 — is his most recently published photo.
Who knows — perhaps Thicke was hiding in the lighting booth at the VMAs, an MTV stowaway in his own right.
On his couch, in sweatpants, happier than any of us
Aren't the VMAs best experienced from your couch, as you complete the experience by drinking beer out of a can?
Behind Nicki Minaj's butt
Just a possibility.
Maybe he went to the wrong location
"The VMAs are not in New York this year? But I thought my invitation said — oh. Oh. That wast last year. Shit."
On a vision quest
For Paula, for album sales, for clarity, for a fuller understanding as to why "Blurred Lines" was once the song of summer, for redemption. Perhaps he went to Australia to understand why is album fared so poorly. Perhaps he wanted to adopt a kangaroo. The possibilities are endless.
But wherever he went (or didn't go, for that matter), one thing is clear: he left a gaping hole where sexism and embarrassment used to live.