Now that the summer is coming to a close, it's time to hang up the songs of the summer and settle down with some moody music perfect for cozying up by the fire in a sweater. Sweaters! It's almost sweater season! Or is it..? "Bang Bang" by Jessie J, Nicki Minaj, and Ariana Grande was without a doubt one of the most infectious songs of the summer. (Sorry, "Fancy," but to quote you — you already kno-ow.) The song is not only super catchy, but it's a lady-powered jam about owning your sexuality. But with every super awesome song that reaches its peak popularity, there comes a point when you can't handle it anymore... even if it is "Bang Bang."
As someone who proudly has "Bang Bang" on her workout playlist and relishes in every time I hear Nicki Minaj reference her gals "Jessie and Ari," yet also as someone who would balk and run out of a store if it was playing the song, I speak from experience. And I know I'm not alone.
You've been there. You know how this feels. These are the 11 stages of liking "Bang Bang" — from loving it to wanting to pull off your own ears. (I'm not quite there yet!)
Hearing It For The First Time
The first time you heard "Bang Bang" you probably thought something like this: "DID MY LOVE FOR POP MUSIC JUST MAKE ME HAVE AN EARGASM?!" Why yes, it did.
Hearing It In Spin Class
"I LOVE THAT SONG," you cry out as you fall off your bike and feel like you're dying, confirming that, yes, you do want to buy this single on iTunes.
"I own it," you cry out, as you put it on every single one of your playlists. You've begun to choreograph a dance in your living room. Did I just write that sentence? It's true. I'm working on a dance right now. No, you cannot see it.
Dissecting & Analyzing The Lyrics
"She's got a body like an hourglass, but I can give it to you all the time." (Strokes imaginary beard.) Ah! I get it now! While that is far from a parallel comparison, IT'S A PLAY ON WORDS. These lyrically minded pop song writers, seriously.
Hearing it Everywhere You Go
"Amazing!" you cry out, warbling along to the words because you can't entirely understand everything Ariana Grande says.
Hearing It Everywhere You Fucking Go
"GODDAMMIT NOT THIS SONG AGAIN UGHHHH."
Becoming A "Bang Bang" Hipster
You know the drill: "I liked that song before it was cool."
"Bang Bang" Guilt
"But of course I'll show all of my girlfriends my secret dance." (The dance is more complicated than the one in the video, btw.)
Seeing The Three Ladies Perform At The VMAs
"I expected my mind to be blown, yet I am somewhat underwhelmed. Oh, I know why. It's because they are not Beyoncé."
Is It Fall Yet?
Let us all take a large collective sigh. Perhaps you're now saying something like, "I'm so done with songs of summer. So. Done. Give me some music to cry to and a Pumpkin Spice Latte and a good cozy chair. You were fun, "Bang Bang," but no more. No more. I am putting on my sweater and scarf to let you know that we are done."