I am a chronic apologizer. I know I'm not alone in this – there are plenty of other people who apologize as often as they exhale. Yes, a lot of the time I find myself apologizing when I haven't actually done anything wrong, but "I'm sorry" is like the all-purpose cleaner of social interaction. You bumped into me? I'm sorry. I ask you to return the book you borrowed from me? Sorry, sorry! This morning when I was running I tripped on a curb and apologized to it. A curb.
As much as I rightfully hate that women especially tend to throw apologies around where they aren't necessary, thus reinforcing an internalized mindset that our very presence is inherently bothersome and wrong, I'm also the kind of person who dislikes the "make no apologies" type of person. I'm not into the whole "whoo, look at me, my rudeness is so innovative and bold" kind of person, who probably has a kitchen towel somewhere that says Ask Forgiveness, Not Permission even though we know that they're never going to ask for either.
Are we really supposed to be celebrating people for that? Well, maybe. A recent study revealed that people who don't apologize feel better in the long run than people who do. Apparently not apologizing helps them reaffirm their feelings of self-worth. Well, non-apologizers out there, I'm about to knock you down a few pegs. Because you might like you, but I sure don't.
Here are just a few things that those people never apologize for but absolutely should:
Not Using Turn Signals
My bad, I forgot to consult my magic crystal ball before I got into my car this morning or else I might have anticipated you screeching through three lanes of traffic to cut me off, sans blinkers. But don't worry about me and my front bumper, buddy, because your commute is cleeeeearly more important than the lives of every human on this freeway.
You know what would help the world? If cars had little apology flags. If you do something stupid and you feel bad about it, a little flag will pop up. Then we can tell which drivers are just being derpy and which ones are just total unapologetic asses.
Leaving Terrible Tips In Restaurants
I can understand this if the server was genuinely rude or bad at their job (and even then, arguable), but in the cases where they are perfectly nice and professional, it makes me want to rip my hair out. Because after these patrons leave, there's nobody to hold them accountable. It's easy to be a jerk to someone if you don't have to be a jerk to their face.
Speaking of cowards, catcalling is one other thing people never apologize for that they absolutely should. Because it's easy for them to do from moving cars or in big groups of people and they know they're never going to see you again. Excuse me while I roll my eyes into the next century.
Texting and Walking on Busy Streets
Trying to navigate busy city streets these days is like playing a game of Frogger that you will never win. Even when you spot someone up ahead absorbed in their phone and go out of your way to avoid them, they will inevitably start drifting in one direction or another, forcing you to change routes several times so you don't both break your noses slamming into each other. And then they just go off on their merry way. Oy. This is why we should invest in a separate lane for pedestrians on their cell phones, like China has.
Sneezing Without Covering Your Mouth
First, how does Tom Hiddleston still look sexy sneezing? It is irresponsible of the universe to allow him to exist.
Back to the point: Why is it that other men always sneeze like they are declaring war on a small country? A small country that APPARENTLY LACKS ELBOWS, HANDS, AND HANDKERCHIEFS? Of course, it's not just men. There are plenty of people who just go about their lives sneezing and coughing all over the place without any consideration for the five foot radius of their germs spreading faster than Elsa's ice powers on Arendelle. An "I'm sorry" might be nice after you've plagued us all with the common cold.
Taking The Last Cupcake/Cake Pop/Sugary Treat
Ughhhh, so I guess technically they shouldn't have to apologize, but you know when you get all hyped up in "treat yo self" mode and you get to the bakery and the person in front of in line takes the last red velvet cupcake and then there they are, all smug and happy, eating something that was rightfully yours and NO, I AM NOT OK RIGHT NOW, AND I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.
Grocery Line Jumping
Tell me this hasn't happened to you: You've been standing in line behind this one guy with a million things at the grocery checkout for god knows how long, when another checker comes in, opens a lane and says, "This one's free!"
You're next in line. Logic and order would dictate that you should be the first one in the new checkout lane. So you poise your cart and aim it toward the new line, but not fast enough – because apparently the guy behind you in line decided he should be next. And he's already pushed his way over there and essentially cut you in line. UNAPOLOGETICALLY, of course. What gives??
Leaving Someone "On the Hook"
Having someone in the wings when you're already committed to someone else is just unacceptable on so many levels. And of course they never apologize because most of the time they're too self-absorbed to realize that they're doing something wrong.
Loudly Talking On Cell Phones On Public Transportation
Especially when you're on the midnight bus to the middle of nowhere. I get it, you're super busy and important. Go be super busy and important in your own damn car, because I didn't pay to sit on this bus and listen to you yammer about stocks in my ear for four hours.
Thinking Justin Bieber Is Cool
Nah, I'm playing, this one's just a joke.
Until it isn't.