Guys, I don't know if you've noticed, but we are officially just one week away from NOVEMBER. By next Saturday, it will be November 1, and before we know it, it will be time for Thanksgiving, and there will be weather alerts about an impending polar vortex on its way to crush our spirits once again. I think it’s safe to say that we’re smack dab in the middle of fall, and there’s no turning back now.
Luckily, fall is awesome. I think we can all agree it’s a nice calm before the storm of the winter fury that allows for us to sort of emotionally prep for the ultra cold days ahead. The days are cool and the nights are cold, and you finally have a reason to wear that sweater you bought on sale last spring when you were being forward-thinking. After a long, hot summer, fall is our prize for making it through the sweltering heat in one piece. It is pretty much the best season of the year.
If you look around you, there are definite signs that fall is in full swing. Not sure what I’m talking about? Well, here are 37 ways you know that we are definitely in the thick of autumn.
YOU’VE SWITCHED YOUR CLOSET OVER TO CASHMERE SWEATERS AND WOOL SKIRTS
And sweater tights! And booties! It's a wonderland of cozy in your closet right now!
AND EVERYTHING you wear IS ABOUT FIVE SHADES DARKER THAN IT WAS IN JULY
And since everyone else is in black this time of year, your coworkers can no longer refer to as Morticia Addams.
YOU’VE ACCEPTED THAT HAT Hair IS JUST YOUR THING NOW
Whatever. It's a cool look. You know how to rock it. And anyone who doesn't appreciate it, in all its greatness, can bugger off.
and you're already DELIGHTing IN THE FACT THAT YOU CAN WASH YOUR HAIR LESS OFTEN
Is anyone still washing their hair everyday? Or even every other day? Now that most of us aren't sweating all the damn time, there's no need.
BARE FEET AROUND THE HOUSE HAVE BEEN REPLACED BY SOCKS
The touch of the cold floor against your feet just will no longer do. While slippers are great, there's nothing quite like your socks.
AND YOU’RE ALREADY EYEING THOSE NEW WINTER BOOTS YOU’LL DEFINITELY NEED BY THE END OF NOVEMBER
You walked last year's boots to death, so obviously you need new ones. There's so much joy in buying new winter boots, because they need to serve a purpose. It's the one time of year you get to buy footwear that you actually need.
THE AMOUNT YOU ENTERTAIN AT YOUR PLACE HAS DOUBLED SINCE AUGUST
If you have people over, then you don't have to go out. If you maintain your socializing, then you'll still get invitations to parties and events.
and you've already cancelled plans to go out on account of the weather
What?! It was raining.
because ‘IT’S GETTING COLD’ AND ‘I REALLY DON’T FEEL LIKE HAVING TO LAYER-UP’
You know it's fall. You accept it. But you're not quite ready to accept is the fact that it takes you twice as long to get dressed than it did a month ago.
yes, THE SHORTER DAYS ARE TAKING A TOLL ON YOUR USUALly SUNNY DISPOSITION
Everything is the worst. Your scowling has multiplied by 10.
plus, YOU WANT TO SLEEP in even MORE THAN USUAL
You've even invested in more pillows and blankets just to keep up with all the sleeping you'll be doing. With a sunset time of 6:02 p.m., how can you not want to sleep more than you did a month ago?
though YOUR FEAR OF THE INEVITABLE CABIN FEVER HAS KICKED IN
It's not here yet, of course, but you know it's on the way. You know you'll be crawling up the wall by the end of January and not even your artificial sun lamp is going to chase the blues away.
SOCIAL ACTIVITIES ARE NOW ABOUT GOING TO THE MOVIES OR MUSEUMS, ANYTHING INSIDE
Reading books in the park is mostly over. Brunch outside is a distant memory. Now it's time to renew your museum membership and make a list of all the movies you want to see over the next coming months.
UNLESS, OF COURSE, you're OUTDOORS TO PICK APPLES
Why, yes, of course you need to pick an entire bushel of apples for all the baking you plan to do over the next couple of months. And you also need to load up Instagram with the proof that you really do lead an exciting life, as you pose next to an apple tree.
YOU’VE BOUGHT CANDLES WITH NAMES LIKE ‘CARAMEL APPLE CHESTNUT’ AND ‘PUMPKIN HARVEST’
Apparently, even when you're not cooking, you want it to smell like it's a bakery in your place at all times.
YOUR WINDOW IS CLOSED MORE THAN IT’S OPEN
You put away the AC in early September. The fan was taken out of the window by early October.
AND you FIND YOURSELF WONDERING WHY YOU DON’T HAVE A WORKING FIREPLACE
I have a fireplace. It’s boarded up, but it’s still a fireplace. A fireplace that I fill with candles so I can pretend it’s emitting some wonderful cozy heat. Illusion is everything.
YOU SPEND even MORE TIME WATCHING TV now
It's binge-watching season!
YOU’vE STARTING SQUIRRELING AWAY FOOD
Who in their right mind wants to leave their apartment to get food just to stay alive when the the snow starts? No one.
AND eating MORE PASTAS AND SOUP
Fall isn't fall if it doesn't involve lots of tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. At least that's what my college dining hall taught me.
YOU’RE BAKING PUMPKIN PIE AND PUMPKIN BREAD
You've also carved your pumpkins, have been eating pumpkin seeds everyday since you did, and have realized the color pumpkin looks smashing on you.
...and actually using your oven in general
It was way too hot for that in the summer.
YOU’VE AMPED UP YOUR MOISTURIZER and chapstick use
Flaky, itchy skin is definitely one of the worst things about this time of year. By January, your skin will be used to the heat being on all the time, but right now, it's having an identity crisis.
YOU’RE CHOOSING DARK BEER OVER LIGHT BEER
Light beer is for days in the sun, while dark beer is for filling you up and giving you a warm belly. And the best part about dark beer? It usually has a higher alcohol content, so woohoo!
AND HOT COFFEE OVER ICED COFFEE
I usually stick to my iced coffee until well into October. But around the 15th or so, I start altering between the hot and cold. By Halloween, I'm in it to win it with hot until spring.
YOUR WHITE WINE CONSUMPTION HAS NOW BEEN REPLACED WITH RED
Stained red teeth and red lips really make you feel like fall has settled into your bones. It's the cozy beverage of the season.
...WHICH MEANS YOUR HANGOVERS ARE WORSE
There's nothing quite like a wine hangover, and the only thing that trumps a wine hangover is a red wine hangover.
BUT SINCE YOU’RE STAYING IN MORE, YOU DON’T CARE
You love your bed. You love your blankets. And the best part of a hungover, actually the only good part about a hangover, is that you have an excuse to stay in bed all day.
YOU’VE already SEEN YOUR FIRST CHRISTMAS COMMERCIAL, which is ridiculous
Seriously? I mean seriously? Every year it gets earlier. By the time you're in your 50s, you're pretty sure they'll start as early as June. Not. Ready.
...though YOU haVE STARTED YOUR HOLIDAY GIFT LIST
Which makes you realize you're turning into your mom.
AND YOUR BOSS IS ALREADY SCOUTING PLACES FOR YOUR COMPANY’S HOLIDAY PARTY
Between her scouting locations, spending hours sampling possible caterers, and donning a Santa's hat long before she should, you find yourself almost liking her for a change.
YOU'RE ALREADY THINKING ABOUT NEW YEAR’S EVE PLANS
You know so-and-so is having their annual party, but you're also pretty sure that there will be SATC, Breaking Bad, and definitely Law & Order marathons on like every year. It's hard to decide. Maybe you can do it all and make it the most magical New Year's Eve ever.
AND ARE Already wondering WHAT YOU COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY IN 2014
Isn't that what the latter part of year is for?
in fact, you find yourself suddenly doubting everything
Time to question your relationship, your job, and even your hair color. It's something in the air, I swear.
but most of all, you know it's really fall because something truly shocking has happened...
something you never could have foreseen, (unless you remembered last fall)...
....yOU'RE already OVER PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES!
Sometimes, when we we least expect it, a miracle will occur. And when they do, they change a person's life forever. Or, at least, until next September.
