Entertainment

6 Lame Items That Movies Made Totally Horrifying

by Laura Brennan

Household objects. Regular items we use every day. They make our lives easier, they connect us to people, and they go completely unnoticed because we are so used to their presence. Until you watch a scary movie. Then you just want to avoid these objects altogether.

There is one key point to making inanimate objects scary. The movie must be set in regular ol' life. It can't have a premise that begins with a family of known killers, or in a house we already know is haunted. Then you expect everything to go all wonky. It's the "look how normal everything started out?" movies of late that make us never want to ascend a staircase during a blackout. Or use the automatic garage door opener. Or the garbage disposal.

Using any of the following items is like putting yourself in a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure situation, except (spoiler alert) every turn will lead to your disappearance, possession by an evil entity, or death. The outcome is sure to be worse if you are kind of an idiot, but either way, it's not going to be good. So, here are six regular things that spark fear in all of us. Thanks, Hollywood!

1. Mirrors

I'm not just talking old-timey Victorian Era mirrors hanging in houses that are clearly haunted. I'm talking bathroom mirrors, full length mirrors, your rear-view mirror, and windows that show reflection. If you look into any of these (especially at night, or if you are home alone) chances are that A.) someone is standing behind you with a knife, B.) you will see yourself reflected with a slight difference, C.) you won't see your reflection at all, or D.) you will get sucked or grabbed into the mirror and end up in another dimension.

Sorry, that's just how it works. Oh also, the mirror may break and you will end up with a huge gash from a rogue glass shard that flies at you.

2. Baby Monitors

Basically, we've got a cute little walkie-talkie turned nightmare from hell. Through your baby monitor, you will hear not your baby, but A.) a creepy lullaby sung by a dead woman longing for her missing child, B.) a man's voice (when no man is present in the house), C.) the Devil himself. And if you choose one of those video monitors, you may as well just move out of your house now and assume all will be lost. A shadowy figure will no-doubt steal your child while you watch. You cannot get in the nursery because the door has locked from the inside.

That's what you get for bringing such a Yuppie electronic device into your house to begin with!

3. Your Shower Head

Sure, you go on and take that relaxing shower. If you have good water pressure, you aren't going to hear as someone enters the bathroom to kill you. If you have crappy water pressure, it's most likely because someone has already tampered with your plumbing and you are going to, A.) get scalded with hot water and completely forget you have the option to get out of the shower, thus resulting in horrible burns, B.) exit the shower (naked, obviously) to then be murdered naked and left alone, most likely in a community bathroom, like after swim practice or in your dorm or, C.) something besides water will come out of the shower head. Spiders. Lots of tiny spiders will come out of the shower head. Don't bother taking a bath, either. That won't save you. You'll just be drowned or electrocuted. Or both. Sorry.

4. Kid's Artwork

A sweet little child has been doing an awful lot of coloring lately. Aw, he drew his family and maybe that's the family pet, flying in the sky? (It's hard to tell, he's used crayon and is only six.) He's been using mostly black and red, but he's a boy and those are probably his favorite colors. NOT. He is drawing the demonic figure only he can see. He is drawing what death looks like because he can foresee the trauma that is to come upon his family. He's unearthing ancient symbols that haunt him at night. The school therapist will take notice, but you aren't buying into these being anything but nonsense scribbles. Too bad, your son is possessed and you will soon all be dead. Hang that on the fridge with a magnet.

5. The Peephole in your front door

Peepholes are simplest of the lame/scary items. Someone knocks or you hear something outside, so you peek through the hole. There are three options as to what you will see, A.) no one. Scary because CLEARLY someone knocked or made a noise. Now they have either disappeared or are already finding a way into the house while you are looking through the peephole, B.) someone's huge eye right up at the hole looking back at ya, C.) a warning. This will probably be something beloved, maimed on the stoop or hanging from a beam on the porch. I hate to break it to you, but it is going to be your pet or your significant other. While you are taking this all in, someone has totally entered the house through the back door. Peephole win. (For them, not you.)

6. A Phone Call

How did you even get my number? They got it by stalking you and you've been too preoccupied with thinking about sex or your dissertation to notice. First, if you still have a land line, you're screwed. If you answer it, it's someone who is going to hurt you. The call is probably coming from inside the house. Or, you rush to the phone to call for help and, oops, the lines have already been cut by the person (who is already inside the house) and going to hurt you. If you happen to be using your cell, you will be sent on a scavenger hunt, forcing you to hit up all the places where the previous bad sh*t has happened, then ending in your demise. You may also find someone's cell, answer it, and get yourself wrapped up in something you weren't supposed to be a part of. Then you die. Don't just ignore the ringing phone. That makes things worse. The caller already knows where you are. You die anyway.

Enjoy your day!

Images: KevinDooley/Flickr; giphy.com (6), purplenailbandit/Instagram