The world is an absolutely terrifying place and not just because complete sociopaths have access to the Internet. Whether it's the eerie mystery of nighttime or, well, anything that's ever been on American Horror Story, there's so much to be afraid of that it's a wonder of any of us ever leave our houses. Of course, I spend all of my time at home writing about celebrity news on the Internet, but that can be terrifying, too. Remember the time Sandra Bullock's stalker made it to her bedroom? Or that time that Chris Brown made jokes about Ebola? The celebrity world is a terrifying place to be in, OK? Things can change in an instant.
However, some celebrities are scarier than others. Some parts of pop culture are scarier than others. Have you ever stopped to think about the horrors of pop culture? TV shows can get cancelled, celebrity friendships can cool off, and the villains from your favorite books and shows can make your life hell. Is there anything scarier than an angry Justin Bieber fan? And what if you had to get a tattoo from Miley Cyrus? In honor of all things terrifying, let's compare some pop culture horror scenarios and see which ones should scare us more.
1. Cable going out during Shondaland Thursdays
2. Accidentally photographing Ariana Grande from the right side
1 — Cable going out during Shondaland Thursdays. Grande might (allegedly) only like left-side photographs, but she'll get over it for a fan. The scars you'll carry from being the last person to see the latest adventures of Olitz and "F*** It" Mellie, and the last to catch up with Analise Keating and her murderous law students, will be scars that you bear forever.
1. One Direction breaking up
2. Orange is the New Black getting cancelled
2 — Orange is the New Black getting cancelled. Sorry, Directioners, but One Direction has a solid body of music under their belt and so much money at such a young age that they can retire at any time. If OITNB got cancelled, I would be left with so many unanswered questions. Will Piper end up with Larry or Alex? Will Nicky and Moreno ever get back together? Are we ever going to see more of Poussey's awesome street style?!
1. Black Widow never getting her own movie
2. When Kanye West actually smiles in a photograph
1 — Black Widow never getting her own movie. West smiling in a photograph might be one of the signs of the Apocalypse, but it's seriously adorable when it happens. Black Widow not getting a movie wouldn't be adorable. Like, at all.
1. A birthday party with Twisty the Clown from American Horror Story
2. Working for Professor Umbridge from Harry Potter
2 — Working for Professor Umbridge from Harry Potter. Twisty has proven that inviting him to entertain at your birthday party will only get you knocked out at worst. Umbridge has proven that she will assault your eyes with bright pink and cat figurines before making you carve your writing into your own hand with a blood quill. Way scarier, thanks.
1. Losing one of Taylor Swift's cats
2. Loki being written out of The Avengers movies
1 — Losing one of Taylor Swift's cats. Meredith and Olivia Benson are the cutest cats in all the world and Swift loves them so much that to lose one of them would surely devastated her for every single second until that cat was returned. Do you want to devastat Swift? Do you? Besides, they wouldn't dare write Tom Hiddleston out of the Avengers movies, so there's no point in worrying about that. (Right?)
1. Hanging out with Justin Bieber
2. Hanging out with Chris Brown
2 — Hanging out with Chris Brown. This one is tough, but the shenanigans that Brown gets up to tend to be more violent and disruptive than the shenanigans the Biebs gets up to. At worst, you'll have to deal with him almost getting hit by Orlando Bloom. With Brown, you'll be getting kicked out of nightclubs all the time and fights will break out wherever you go.
1. Getting a tattoo from Miley Cyrus
2. Borrowing a dress from Nicki Minaj's closet
2 — Borrowing a dress from Nicki Minaj's closet. Cyrus has tattooed herself and a few friends at this point, so there's a good chance she does actually know what she's doing. On the other hand, I think of trying to fit myself into one of Minaj's asset-enhancing numbers and then I become immediately petrified of going outside like that. No one can do Minaj's wardrobe like Minaj can, okay? It's impossible.
1. Tatiana Maslany never winning an Emmy
2. Leonardo DiCaprio never winning an Oscar
2 — Leonardo DiCaprio never winning an Oscar. It's been years. Years! Sure, Maslany has done two solid seasons of Orphan Black in which she plays pretty much every character on the show, but DiCaprio keeps getting invited to the Oscars every year on a nomination for an award he never wins. That's scary.
1. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler ending their friendship
2. Jay Z and Beyoncé ending their marriage
1 — Tina Fey and Amy Poehler ending their friendship. Sorry Jayoncé, but I had enough time during the divorce rumors era to get used to the idea of you as separate people. If Fey and Poehler split up, I would be devastated for years. I'm trembling in fear just thinking about it.
1. Angry Beliebers
2. Angry Directioners
Both. There is no right answer here. There is only running, burning your computer, and maybe changing your IP Address.