Ah, the ballad of Kristen and Tom: the chronically arguing couple who should have broken up three years before they actually did. But hallelujah! Judging from Instagram, we know that Tom Sandoval is currently dating SUR co-worker Ariana and thus the terrible reign of Kris-Tom has come to an end. With Tom and Ariana's history, that’s gotta be a hard pill for K-Doute to swallow. So is Vanderpump Rules' Kristen Doute dating anyone at the moment to ease her anguish? She actually got right back into the dating game post-breakup.
Here’s a real plot twist, guys: Doute revealed at the Season 2 Vanderpump reunion in January that she was dating a SUR busser names James Kennedy, thereby treating her workplace as her rebound pool kinda just like Tom did. That'll show him!
Aside from analyzing any thinly veiled attempt to give Tom a taste of his own medicine, let’s get the new boyfriend’s story. According to his Instagram bio, James Kennedy is a 21-year-old British expat living in LA and a DJ/Producer/LA Model/person who lived in Ibiza at one point. While Kristen's exact age is indiscernible from copious internet stalking, she supposedly graduated from high school in 2001 which should make her somewhere around 30 or 31. Way to rob that cradle, Kristen.
This young buck is no relation to the presidential Kennedys, but he could be a distant relative of Cody Simpson with that hair. Seriously, though. It's so bloody tall.
But when exactly did Kristen and James' relationship as co-workers evolve into something more? The story is so gonna be mined for a Season 3 Vanderpump plot. Things started off innocently enough between the two, as Kennedy told Radar Online in February:
Kristen and I have been friends for a while… But I guess one thing led to another after a couple bottles of wine.
Sounds pretty standard. Oh wait, I forgot one minor detail: Whatever happened after those few bottles of wine supposedly occurred in Tom Sandoval's bed with his very own Trojans? (And no, I don't think they were making wine balloons out of condoms.)
Now, let the bad blood flow freely through the hallowed halls of SUR. Kennedy has been outspokenly anti-Tom since he started dating Kristen, saying that his relationship with Tom was "over" because Sandoval had cut the two off. The relationship Kennedy is referring to isn't just personal, it's creative. The DJ purportedly collaborated with Tom on an album, and they ran into some creative differences. In an interview with the Examiner, Kennedy describes feeling creatively stifled in their work together, and criticized the music that Tom wanted to make as "horrible '80s" music. Well, this one's really full of piss and vinegar, isn't he?
Oh, the insolence of the young and the hungry. To give you a sampling, here is one of his original house tracks. *OONT OONT OONT*
In spite of the drama, or perhaps simply because of the drama, James and Kristen have been on like Donkey Kong since then. How do I know this? Well, they're super lovey-dovey on the Instagram.
Yeah, they're totally gross in photo booths.
Like any old John and Jane Doe, they accompany each other to reality show wrap parties.
They get their Zen on together. Obviously, Kristen is taking advantage of her potential retirement as a SURver.
They even do face-masks together. Tsk Tsk... I feel like this used to be her and Tom's thing.
And, most importantly, they use the almighty "B" word with each other: "Bae."
Two things are for sure. One is that Kristen has a discernible type: vaguely Zoolander-esque musicians with tall hair. Secondly, I'm looking forward to observing old relationships and new tonight on the Vanderpump Rules premiere. This calls for a drinking game!
Image: Getty Images