Everything You Missed at French's Birthday Party

by Arielle Dachille

Sunday night while you were nuzzled into the butt groove in your couch watching "Too Many Cooks" on loop, French Montana hosted his 30th birthday party which was attended by a coterie of non-random and seemingly random individuals. Some were there to earnestly wish French Montana a happy b-day and, I’m guessing, others were just there for the free Ciroc. No judgment, I’d totally just show up for the free Ciroc.

Some things that fall into the category of “expected” for the Sunday-night bash: French Montana wore a white tux with a red tie like that kid at prom, Kim Kardashian took the most pictures of the night, Khloe Kardashian and French Montana appeared to be together again, and drunken typos were made in Instagram captions. Some things that fell into the “not entirely expected" category: Diddy was there, Lisa Vanderpump was potentially there, and Diddy had a conversation with Lisa Vanderpump and confessed to being a fan of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Genie, I’ll use my last wish to be a fly on the wall for that conversation.

Oh yeah, I spent my last wish yesterday on a short stack of pumpkin pancakes. Damn those delicious little clouds of heaven! Luckily, thanks to the diligent social media documentation of the partygoers, we can re-enact the night’s events with a series of educated guesses.

The Kardashian Koven Kropped Up

Can we just talk about how Kim totally has no idea how to do a silly face?

French Montana recycled his prom attire

Where's the blacklight when you need it?

Khloe & French Montana may be back together

If posing for pics alongside the moms is any indicator, all signs point to "back on."

Kylie Jenner's hair almost stole the show

Move over, Ariana Grande. There's a new "hair half up/hair half down" queen in town.

But then, French Montana flubbed his own birthday toast

Cheers: a convivial salutation of good-favor. Chairs: furniture to rest your legs/butt upon.

Diddy still made it out

Clearly, he was the life of the party. He brought all the Ciroc pineapple.

This means that Lisa Vanderpump may have been there

Could it be that the "night" Lisa's referring to is the night she spent at French Montana's party? I'm gonna think wishfully and say: absolutely, yes.

But it was a long night, & everyone was ready to go home at the end

Especially the anonymous blonde girl, who is clearly not amused with any of the ballyhoo.

Chairs —erm, I mean, cheers to the big 3-0! Now, let's all agree to never drink Ciroc pineapple ever again.